I have so many things to get out. They’re all ready to just tumble out. I am not sure that I will pull this post together successfully, but I will try anyway. Here goes:
This thing that I’m doing, my so called teaching, is my true test. It is one of the hardest things I’ve done besides raising my children. I feel like I’m starting to get a grasp on it, but I know that I still have a lot to learn.
I am doing all that I know how, but it just doesn’t seem like enough. But you know what, I have stopped being so hard on myself. I will get better. I cannot go any further than my ability, at the present time, will let me. No one’s perfect at anything the first time they try it. I don’t know why I’m expecting any different from myself. What I’m experiencing is only natural for a reformed control freak like me.
Even though I have had a moderate amount of success teaching some of my students to read, I am not resting on my laurels. What I don’t like and am beating myself up about is that I don’t have anything written down or documented. I am piecemealing different things. I really wish that I had the time to go back and write down what I’ve done up until now that has worked for me, but I don’t. Since no one can control time, I will just have to be more careful and meticulous about my record keeping now.
One thing that I did come up with was a brilliant idea of printing out my lesson plans that has worked for me up until now and am currently in the process of putting them into binders. One for science; one for math; one for language arts and one for strategies I’m using to teach reading. I also need one for assessments.
My university supervisor gave me a quick assessment called The San Diego Quick. I think I’ll use that when it comes time for my next I.E.P.
As I said earlier, I am proud of myself but I am not resting on my laurels. That is the kiss of death for anything. I am doing as I should, I am continually plugging away and researching different approaches and methods to help my students. We’ll see how this story turns out!
N-e way, on to this test. My concern about this test is that I won’t reach where I want to go as quickly as I want to get there. I know that I need to have more patience and stop being so hard on myself, but that is the way I am. I stress over some things that I shouldn’t.
I fear that I’m not good enough. I fear that I won’t be able to reach the students next year like I have this year. There are so many fears that I have that I can’t even begin to list them all.
One thing that I’m doing right is that I am facing my fears one by one as they come. I like that I am the victim no more. I am instead the victor.
I love writing. Everytime I’m troubled about something, I write a post that I inted to be about something else and the focus totally shifts. I am much more confident about this test for now. I have had severe ups and down. I know that they will probably continue, but I will just do like I always do. I’ll take it one day at a time.
Like I wrote in a previous post in the summer, sometimes you have to take it day by day, hour by hour, etc.
I have been at stage when I start a new job and I feel so inadequate many times. The good news is that it didn’t last, just like this won’t. I know that this too shall pass.
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