Week In Review…

Last week was such a hectic week. I had three I.E.P.’s, report cards were due, I had to lead the discussion in my Methods class when I was riddled with bronchitis and out of breath, etc., etc.,

It was such a busy week. I am so glad it’s over! Oh well. On to next week. I only have two I.E.P.’s and parent conference. Good thing I get out early all this week. I’m happy about that.

So, until next time people!

Losing Man-Man!

When I spoke to my assistants about Man-Man moving to another school, they understood how sad I was to lose him. However, when I spoke to another teacher, she didn’t. She said that I shouldn’t feel bad; that I should move on.

I guess I really shouldn’t. Maybe he is in a better place for him. Maybe the teacher he’s with now, will do more for him than I could have done. Maybe all of my worry is for nothing. There’s nothing I can do about it. So, I’m just going to have to let it go.

Bye Man-Man!

More On My Plate!

Look what we have for you. Another student, and he’s in 2nd grade. From now on, you’re going to have 2nd grade as well.
Well, according to my APEIS (Assistant Principal in charge of Special Ed), my class is no longer called Upper Elementary Special Day Class (SDC). It’s now called a span class. I found this out when I got a new student on Wednesday, who’s in 2nd grade. So, not only do I have 3rd, 4th, & 5th, but I have 2nd as well.

My students are 7-12 years old. I feel like this is way too much on my plate. If all of my students were in the class, I would have 15 students. This may not seem like a lot, but consider that I have 2 who are non-verbal and Mentally Retarded (MR), one Other Health Impairment (OHI), among other things, to Specific Learning Disability (SLD).

One thing I need to gripe about the term SLD. There is nothing specific about it. You have to try to figure out what’s wrong with them and try to reach them.

You know what, even though I may seem to be complaining, that isn’t the case. I’m not complaining about my job or the children this time. I’m complaining about the powers that be, who think it’s okay to have children who are five years apart and in very different developmental stages, in the same class.

As always, I am doing the damn thing, but at what cost? Since I am a parent and have dealt with bullying in my own home, I knew that I didn’t want that in my house. So, I have made my classroom a safe haven where no one is allowed to laugh at anyone or make fun of anyone else. However, what if the teacher is not a parent or doesn’t think to do that? What if the smaller children were picked on by the bigger children?

There are just so many chances for things to go wrong, it’s ridiculous. I am a little mad about this, but what can I do?

Heartbroken!

I am heartbroken. One of my favorite students, Man-Man, has checked out and moved to another school. I am just torn up about this. He was just beginning to make progress.

When I first took over the class in November, he’d arrived just a couple of weeks before that. So, this will make his third school this year.

I feel broken up about this because I don’t know how his teacher at his new school will respond to him. Will he/she be what he needs? Will they understand him? If they don’t, will they try to understand him? Will they be patient with him like I was? Will his love of drawing be encouraged like it was in my class? Will the teacher appreciate his more than astute observations or will she shut him up, thinking that he’s being insolent? Will the environment be a safe haven, where the students are not allowed to laugh at each other, like it was in my class? Will he feel safe there? If not, how long will it take for him to feel safe?

If I had to choose a student to lose, it would not have been him. When things were slow, he would liven up the conversation with his knowledge that was quite impressive for someone who could barely read and wrote on a kindergarten level. I am really going to miss this kid. I am going to call his house (if the number is the same) tonight to see how he’s doing and wish him well.

Bye-bye Man-Man. You will be missed!

Midnight Thinking!

What is midnight thinking? Well, it is a term I made up (although I’m sure someone else thought of it also) when I was thinking about how you think that an idea is so brilliant. At midnight!!! That is, until you wake up the next morning and try to read it. You’re like, what the hell did I write? It makes no sense now, but last night it was brilliant.

Well, it really wasn’t. You were just sleepy, typing with one eye open. Yeah, that’s me. I have been doing a whole bunch of that lately. Hopefully I’ll catch up with my work and not have to do too much midnight thinking or writing.

Now that you know, you can sleep better, right? Well, I know I will.

So, until next time people!

The Day Is Over!

I did not want to go to work today. My hair was crazy. I had nothing that I wanted to wear. I was grouchy, etc., etc.
I am so happy that the day is over. I was actually having nightmares about going to school with my hair sticking straight up. My hair looks so crazy from a week of being sick and laying on the couch. I really need a hair appointment.
First of all, I did not think that I would make it through the day. When you’re looking forward to the end of the day when it’s 5:30 a.m., that is so not a good sign.

But, I am out of work, I am out of class, and at home. On that note, I am on my way to sleep.

So, until next time people!

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter to everyone!

Random Facts About Me

These are some random facts about me:

1. I have the worst cruch on actor Hill Harper. He’s so brilliant. He has three degrees. Two of which are from Harvard.
2. I sometimes want to beat my teenaged sons up. I still love them, but that teenage angst is sooooooo overwhelming at times.
3. I love having a little girl. She’s so girly. She loves to dress up and play with dolls; everything I love.
4. I wanted a little girl for 10 years before I had her.
5. In October, it will be 20 years that I’ve been with my husband.
6. I sometimes count my husband as one of my kids.
7. My husband thinks he invincible. That’s how he broke his leg in three places recently, which required surgery to repair.
8. I cannot wait for summer vacation.
9. I am hoping that my next year teaching will be better than this year.
10. I stop talking to a former good friend of mine that I’ve known for 22 years. There was no particular reason. We just lost what it was we had. I saw her again tonight. It wasn’t the same though. I remember when we would just laugh for hours over stupid stuff. I don’t know what happened. We just stopped talking. It used to make me really sad to think about. It doesn’t anymore. I don’t know which one is sadder.

About What I Started Last Summer!

I was just over at Content Black Woman, and was reading one of her articles regarding spiritual awakening. We connected when I wrote an article, in the summer, on depression. We were both grappling with it at the time.

I was on a great spiritual journey that seemed to end just as abruptly as it began. Well, it didn’t actually end, it seemed to be put on hold; with me ending up in a holding pattern. It was seemingly interrupted, but not quite. I am unsure how to explain what happened. What I do know is that I seemed to be moving forward a little, but not in the way that I want.

This was actually a journey that started about two years ago when I became disillusioned with going to church. I felt like I was dying- spiritually starving to death. I had no spiritual substance to hold on to. I am not sure what it was. I don’t know if it was that I was becoming word intolerant. I simply couldn’t digest what the Pastor was trying to tell me; or was it that I had simply starting to question what I hadn’t before. Whatever the case, I just didn’t like going to church or doing any activity associated with church. I felt that church was not for me anymore; that I just needed to take a break and do my own thing. The author, over at Content Black Woman, was going through the same thing.
If you know me, you know that when I was younger, I was never one to worry about what someone thought of me. I was part of the antidisestablishmentarianistic train of thought. I was against everyone, including “the man”. Well, how then, did I get to this point where I care what people think about me; where I live and breathe a Stull evaluation or evaluation by my University Supervisor.

I guess it is a good thing that I care. I don’t think that it’s a good thing that I care as much as I do. At my job site, I wanted to make a good impression. I didn’t want to miss any days. However, once I couldn’t walk to my refrigerator from my couch on Sunday night, I knew that my hopes of perfect attendance were out the window.

But, I have learned (even though I knew this before) that I have to take care of myself. My students come to school expecting to be taught or have some kind of work prepared for them, not to be told to leave me alone because I’m not feeling well.

I have gone to work on days when I wasn’t feeling well and told the children that I wasn’t feeling well and that I needed to take it easy that day. I did have work prepared for them to do, though. I just didn’t move around a lot that day.

N-e way, back to what I started last summer. This is in reference to my previous post about having to live with myself. This all goes back to what I started in the summer. This journey is all about getting to know myself. It’s about knowing my limits and seeking to push past (some of) them. It’s about exceeding my wildest dreams and expectations. It’s about loving myself before I can seek to love someone else.

It’s about finding me and digging deep and planting my roots, knowing that they’re not going to wilt and die; but instead, digging deep, thriving and flourishing.

Until next time people!

I Have To Live With Myself

I have been extra hard on myself. Part of the reason is because I haven’t been giving my all like I used to. Right now, I just don’t have it to give. I am so burntout.

Last year, I was able to give my all because I was not a teacher; I was an assistant. Being a teacher is soooooooooooooo much work. I don’ t think that anyone can really understand until they do it themselves.

Awhile ago, in the beginning, I didn’t know what was wrong with me. All I knew was that I wasn’t as enthusiastic as I was before about school or teaching. Before, when I was an assistant, I would have my assignments completed by the weekend from my Wednesday class. Now, I complete my assignments or lesson plans the day of class.

My problem is that I am very, very, very overwhelmed. Now that I know what my problem is, I am making a conscious effort to complete my assignments and lesson plans like I used to. In the beginning, I was trying to make excuses, but seriously, I am the one who has to really think about how my slacking is working against my students. I am the one who has to look deep down inside and see if my best right now is good enough. I am the one who has to live with myself. So I am doing what it takes to be able to live with myself.

Until next time people!

What The Problem Is…

I found out what the problem is. I have bronchitis. I knew I was sick, but I didn’t know I was that sick.

My prescribed treatment: Erythromicin and rest.

So, until next time!

Stillllllll Sick!

Yes, I am still sick, but I am getting better. Though I am not happy about being sick, I am happy that I have Spring Break, or else I would be missing a whole week of work.

I couldn’t do any other type of work where I had to go to work everyday, all the time. Thank God there are positions like mine.

The Surgery’s Over!

The surgery was over so fast that I didn’t even get a chance to really get uncomfortable in the waiting room chairs. It was supposed to take 2 hours, but only took about an hour because they didn’t need to put a plate in it. They only had to make a tiny incision and insert one well-placed screw, according to the doctor. He was so nice by the way- Dr. Matsuda @ Kaiser, West L.A.- a great ortho surgeon.

I’m happy it’s over. Now the healing can begin. He has to stay off of it for up to 12 weeks. This is going to be like torture to him, but at least he’ll be well.

Until next time!

Sick… Again!

Yes, I am sick again. Many told me that I would be sick my whole first year, but I thought that I wouldn’t succumb; I would be extra careful and take a lot of vitamins.

Well, obviously I didn’t get around to doing that. I have, however, been wiping down the classroom almost everyday, and using hand sanitizer when I touch something. But now that I think about it, I used a couple of my students’ pencils last week when showing them how to complete their work.

From now on I will stick with my own pencil. Until next time!

Happy Spring Break!

That’s all that needs to be said!

I Know How He Feels…

Well, as it turns out, Phillip does need the surgery. We spent all day yesterday at the hospital only to have his surgery cancelled at the last minute.

I can remember being in labor and just wanting it to be over. Phillip was there with me with all of them except Dakota- he was sleep in the delivery room.

I was mad at him for not having to bear some of the pain. Well, if he felt anything like I felt yesterday, I know that he wished that he could have. He would sit helplessly by and just hold my hand. I know that looking at me in pain, he felt like I felt yesterday. Being there, but not being able to do much is such a helpless feeling.

I just want his pain to be over. It’s funny, when a loved one is in pain or trouble, that’s when you realize what’s important. It puts everything into perspective. Glad that it did!

Until next time people!

Not This Way…

I wanted a day off of work, but not this way…

Yes, I have been stressed out, but I have Spring Break next week, so I was going to wait it out. Well, as it turns out, I will not be going to work tomorrow; maybe not Friday either.

I have to go with Phillip to the doctor in the morning. It’s pretty bad. He may have to have surgery on his broken leg. He broke it in three places. The doctor told us that breaks like his usually require surgery. We’ll know for sure in the morning.

Pray for me and mine. Until next time!

I Love it When a Plan Comes Together!

That was one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite shows from the 80′s.

That is so true. I absolutely do love it when a plan comes together. It is especially lovely when the coming together is seemingly coincidental. I’m talking about my science experiment coming together with my science lesson plan that’s due in my Elementary Methods class.

I have to videotape an inquiry based lesson plan. The objective of the lesson is to find out what misconceptions the students still have regarding a science concept that I taught- it turns out to be plants in this case.

This should be very interesting because since my students are low readers, they compensate with very good memories. I am looking forward to it.

Here’s to a plan coming together at the right place, at the right time.

Riding my pink Huffy!

I have been such a little complainer and whiner lately. I don’t like being like that. Even though that is what I revert to when I get stressed, I don’t like it. It is not one of my better character traits. So, I thought I’d take a break and write about a time when I was happy and not complaining. So here goes:

I remember when I was about 8 years old. I got a new pink Huffy. I thought it was quite possibly the best day of my 8 year old life.

In front of the Christmas tree was the most beautiful sight to me. All of my friends had Huffys , but me. I felt so left out. Not anymore. Now I was in the loop.

I had myself a pink Huffy!

The pink leather nearly rectangular seat was the perfect fit. The light pink handle bars were the perfect size for me to reach over to have perfect control of my prized possession.

My dad adjusted the seat to just the right height. I couldn’t wait to ride it. As I hopped on it, I had a feeling of complete freedom as the wind whipped through the air and slapped me in the face as I gleefully rode my brand new, pink Huffy bike. In my mind I said a silent thank you to my dad as I rode off into the sunset. (Just kidding)!

Oh, life was good!

Oh, that effing word…

Yes, I know, this is a site about being a mom, and my first year of teaching. However, it is also about random stuff. So something random I want to talk about is that effing word- the “f” word. I love this word. It is the perfect word to let out frustration.

Example: I hate this effing job, or I can’t effing do this, or I am so effing frustrated. (Believe me, I use the last one a lot because I am so effing frustrated.)

This one word helps to relieve so much stress. I feel so free when I use it because I know that it’s forbidden. I love the way it rolls off my tongue. The way the words hit the air. The shock on someone’s face who isn’t used to hearing it. The overall shock value. It’s priceless!

It’s my go-to word when I need to release some pent up frustration. Here’s to that effing word! Cheers!

Until next time people!

I’m On My Way

I am definitely on my way to establishing a system. As I was teaching today, I immediately went to my laptop and wrote myself a note about what was working for me and what wasn’t. I am doing this experiment with plants, cotton balls, and dirt.

One thing that I realize I need to do is frontload the students by talking to them about the subject more before I just jump into it. That is one of my weaknesses. This goes way back to childhood to my father who was of the ole’ school train of thought that children were to be seen and not heard. We were not allowed to ask a lot of questions. Hell, we weren’t allowed to ask questions at all. We just had to accept what he said as law. I’m not mad at my father or anything, I just see that it’s a different way of doing things. I think that’s part of the reason I’m strict and relaxed with my children. A contradiction, I know, but that’s what I am, a walking contradiction.

As always, I’ve strayed. Back to the lecture at hand, we are growing beans and the students have to estimate how long it would take for the plants to germinate.

The students had to choose whether they were going to do their experiment with cotton balls and beans, and soil and beans, when Man-Man asked if we could use beans, cotton balls, and soil.

“Yes, we can,” I said. Thank you for recommending it.

“You’re welcome,” he said with a big smile.

Since I know about the experiment, I knew that the bags with the cotton balls were supposed to grow faster, but die. However, it didn’t work like that.
Outcome: one student who used beans, cotton balls, and soil has had amazing results. She replanted her plant because it outgrew the bag. Some of the other students will be allowed to replant theirs tomorrow.

I will repost more on this later. Until next time!

I’m On The List!

In the faculty meeting, another list was printed and guess what- my name was on it. My children will be so happy about this. Thank god for small favors.

Left Out Yet Again!

I got left out of everything yet again. Last week, in the faculty meeting, as I was perusing the list for Career Day, I wasn’t surprised that my name was nowhere on the list.

I thought that our psychologist was in charge of compiling the list so I asked her why my name wasn’t on the list. She told me that the Principal “thought” that most of my kids were mainstreamed and that I had no one in the class.

Really? Are you serious? This is laughable. Only three of my fourteen students are mainstreamed. Another one who’s supposed to be mainstreamed does not want to go. There is always someone with me. Always!

I will figure out a way to quit getting overlooked.  Until I write again!

Yay! Not today!

Yay! As it turns out, today is not my day to present. My day is on the 24th. I will stay true to my promise and do my work this week ahead of time, so I will not be so stressed out. As for the assignment that was due where I confused phonological awareness and phonemic awareness (they are basically the same by the way, just in case you’re interested), my teacher gave me an extension until Wednesday. I’m telling you, God really looks out for me. I was so stressed. I could literally feel my blood pressure rising.

I am in class. I am supposed to be watching a film, so I guess I’d better go.

i will stop stressing and keep my blood pressure at a safe and healthy level. So, until next time people!

As Usual…

As usual, all of my worrying and stressing has been for naught. My Stull was great. The only criticism that my Principal had was that two of my posters couldn’t be seen from the student’s seat. That takes so much stress off of me.

Additionally, for school I was supposed to critique an article on RICA domains I & II, which are assessment and phonemic awareness. However, I chose an article on phonological awareness and could not get an understanding as to whether this was the same thing as phonemic awareness, so my blood pressure has been up because I am unprepared for class tonight. In addition to that, I can’t remember when I signed up to lead the chapter discussion, so I think it’s my turn to speak on a chapter that I’ve only skimmed through. I hope not. If it’s not, I will actually do the reading next week. One of the first times I’m unprepared, this happens.

It’s okay. I’ve made it through tougher situations, and I’ll make it through this.

So, until next time people!

Sunday Night Blues!

I mentioned last year (click here) about my counseling session with the priests for my last class of the semester. During the session, a couple of my classmates mentioned that they got the blues on Sunday night because they didn’t want to return to work.

It’s not that the job is so bad. It’s just the planning and the pressure. I am sooo not good at planning. I am stressed out sooo bad. I have a Stull observation tomorrow. I don’t know how that’s going to go but I don’t care. I am at the point where I kinda’ wish I would get fired because I just don’t know how much longer I can last at this stress level.

Even though everything to the contrary tells me that I’m doing just fine, my last Stull was good, my supervisor loves me, and no one believes that this is just my first year, I still feel like I can do more.

I think that part of the problem is that I am waaay too hard on myself. My husband, Phillip, told me to stop being so hard on myself. I know that I need to stop being so hard on myself, yet I can’t.

I had a really good cry earlier. After drying my tears, Phillip & I talked about finding a medium between expecting too much and learning how to let some things go. If I could just get to that point, I will feel so good, stop stressing, and stop having Sunday night blues!

Someone else out there, please tell me that I’m not crazy and that you experienced the same thing or something like it. If so, tell me how you overcame it. Help!

Happy Friday!

Hello everyone. This was a long week. I am happy that it’s over. I need some rest. I have barely had rest the whole week. I am badly in need of rest.

Oh, my oldest son, Sam, got a job yesterday. I was supposed to go grocery shopping, but my middle son, Dakota, had to be picked up as well from his internship. By the time I finished picking up both boys, it was almost 8:00, since Costco closes at 8:30, there was not way I was going to make it. I did make it to the .99 store to get popsicle sticks for my students’ project. They’re doing it now! I guess I’d better help. So, until next time!

Maybe I Am Making A Difference

I am having such great ups and downs. One day I feel like a complete nimcompoop, while the next day, I feel like I am on top of the world.

Today, I began to think that maybe I am actually making a difference. One of my students, Man-Man came into my classroom not recognizing any of the alphabets and only a few numbers a couple of weeks before I started teaching. I knew him because I observed the class over a two week period before I started. I still didn’t know what I was getting into but I have long since reconciled with that. This is a side note, but with any new job, there is a learning curve. Believe me when I say that I have experienced that and then some.

However, I digress. On to what I was saying. I really felt like I was making a difference today with Man-Man. Today was the 4th grade writing assessment. Let me just say that I was not so sure that he would even be able to write a paragraph because his comprehension is high, but his writing skills leave a lot to be desired.

Well, as it turns out, I didn’t have that much to worry about. Of course his writing is nowhere near where it’s supposed to be, but it’s a start. It’s a start.

My True Test…

I have so many things to get out. They’re all ready to just tumble out. I am not sure that I will pull this post together successfully, but I will try anyway. Here goes:

This thing that I’m doing, my so called teaching, is my true test. It is one of the hardest things I’ve done besides raising my children. I feel like I’m starting to get a grasp on it, but I know that I still have a lot to learn.

I am doing all that I know how, but it just doesn’t seem like enough. But you know what, I have stopped being so hard on myself. I will get better. I cannot go any further than my ability, at the present time, will let me. No one’s perfect at anything the first time they try it. I don’t know why I’m expecting any different from myself. What I’m experiencing is only natural for a reformed control freak like me.

Even though I have had a moderate amount of success teaching some of my students to read, I am not resting on my laurels. What I don’t like and am beating myself up about is that I don’t have anything written down or documented. I am piecemealing different things. I really wish that I had the time to go back and write down what I’ve done up until now that has worked for me, but I don’t. Since no one can control time, I will just have to be more careful and meticulous about my record keeping now.
One thing that I did come up with was a brilliant idea of printing out my lesson plans that has worked for me up until now and am currently in the process of putting them into binders. One for science; one for math; one for language arts and one for strategies I’m using to teach reading. I also need one for assessments.

My university supervisor gave me a quick assessment called The San Diego Quick. I think I’ll use that when it comes time for my next I.E.P.

As I said earlier, I am proud of myself but I am not resting on my laurels. That is the kiss of death for anything. I am doing as I should, I am continually plugging away and researching different approaches and methods to help my students. We’ll see how this story turns out!

N-e way, on to this test. My concern about this test is that I won’t reach where I want to go as quickly as I want to get there. I know that I need to have more patience and stop being so hard on myself, but that is the way I am. I stress over some things that I shouldn’t.

I fear that I’m not good enough. I fear that I won’t be able to reach the students next year like I have this year. There are so many fears that I have that I can’t even begin to list them all.

One thing that I’m doing right is that I am facing my fears one by one as they come. I like that I am the victim no more. I am instead the victor.

I love writing. Everytime I’m troubled about something, I write a post that I inted to be about something else and the focus totally shifts. I am much more confident about this test for now. I have had severe ups and down. I know that they will probably continue, but I will just do like I always do. I’ll take it one day at a time.

Like I wrote in a previous post in the summer, sometimes you have to take it day by day, hour by hour, etc.

I have been at stage when I start a new job and I feel so inadequate many times. The good news is that it didn’t last, just like this won’t. I know that this too shall pass.

What I’d Like To Change…

I’d like to change other people’s perception about Special education. Some people seem to think that children in special ed have cooties with all types of infectious diseases who drool uncontrollablly and can’t read a lick.

In this day and age you would think that people would be more enlightened. But how can you expect people to change just because time passes by. I guess that’s like expecting change to happen without doing anything to make it happen.

I guess I just got a new mission. It came to me as I was typing. I am going to try, to the best of my ability, to educate the masses about special education.

Won’t you join me?

What does K-W-L mean?

I learned about this chart while in teacher training. I thought it was so great. With it we were able to track our progress throughout the training.

Once I learned what it was and how to use it, I thought to myself, that it would make a great tool for my classroom. Up til now, I hadn’t had a chance to use it. Now that I am doing the Money unit in Open Court, I think this is the perfect time.

This is how it goes. The chart is divided into three categories- K-W-L. You can either use post-its or if using a bulletin board, you can use index cards and push pins.

You ask students what they currently know (K); what (W) they want to know; and after everything is said and done, you will ask them what they have learned (L).

Even though I already told you what this is, here is the summation in a nutshell:

The K stands for what you already know.

The W stands for what you want to know.

The L stands for what you’ve learned.

If you’re from Missouri and you just have to see it for yourself, here is the link: click here.

Fostering An Early Love Of Reading & Writing, Part 1

I have always tried to foster a love of reading and writing in my children. I started collecting children’s book when Sam & Dakota were very young, so I have a couple hundred book. So when Phillise or David wants to read, I have my own books for them to check out.

To further encourage Phillise’s early love of reading and writing, I started a blog for her @ Phillise.wordpress.com. She is so pleased. She’ll come up to me periodically and say mom, I want to write a post. I think it’s so cute.

Ask this question of yourself, What are you doing for you son or daughter to encourage an early love of reading and writing?