Subject & Predicate

I have been out of ideas for clever titles, but am back now and better than ever. I love the title; I don’t love the subject. I spoke to my assistant and she told me that my class has been horrible in my absence. And the whole problem is because my student’s behavior is predicated on my presence; on me being there.  I don’t want my class’ success predicated on me. I want to teach them to be able to perform no matter who’s there. So far I haven’t been able to do that because every time I’ve been out of the classroom, for whatever reason, they have behaved horribly.

How do I do that? Does anyone have any advice?

Anxiety Attack!

I had an anxiety attack last week when I was in my therapist’s office.

“Breathe,” she said.

“I am breathing,” I said as I looked questioningly at her.

“No, you’re not. You’re breathing very shallow breaths. You’re not getting enough oxygen. You can pass out.

“You’re having an anxiety attack,” she said.

“Now, take a deep breath and blow it out to the count of 10!”

That’s exactly what I did and felt better, but was freaked out as I felt like so weak. How could I have an anxiety attack when I’m just telling a story? Why is this incident affecting me this way?

I don’t know, but I am going to find out so I can get through this. Bye for now.

Put Your Mask On First!

Whenever you’re riding in an airplane, the stewardesses always tell you, in the event of an emergency, to put our mask on first. Before you can take care of anyone else, you need to take care of yourself first. That is waht my therapist just told me. We were discussing how I handled the situation at work. She asked me what I honestly thought about the situation. I told her that I feel like a quitter; that I think I should go back. The thing is that I’m scared. I don’t want to be in the same situation, but I don’t know how not to be in the same situation.

While checking out my options, I was told if I tried to fight for Worker’s Comp, that it could possibly take years, and during that time, I couldn’t work anywhere. This is not an acceptable alternative.

So, I told all of this to my therapist and she told me that I needed to strike a balance. We then completed a pie chart where she showed me where most of my energies were going. Most of it was going to things I couldn’t control.

“Concentrate your energies on what you can fix,” she said. It makes no sense to give your energy to something so out of your control that you lose yourself.

You can return to work and it will work out for you, only if you draw a line in the sand; have some barriers. There has to be barriers. She also told me that the biggest piece of the pie should go to taking care of myself. We compared the me from a couple of weeks ago to the me now. Believe me when I say that it’s a big difference. I am almost ready to return. I just need a couple more weeks to make sure.

When I return I am going to have barriers. I will contact the Principal and see what safety plan is put into place. If I don’t feel it is enough, I will leave. I will make a big deal out of the parent from hell having any type of contact with me. I will call the police and get a restraining order. I will call the school police if this child makes a threat against me. I will insist on fair treatment from all concerned. If at anytime I don’t feel safe, I will leave for good. I WILL PUT MY MASK ON FIRST.

I Have A Left Shoe AND A Right Shoe!

I know that’s such a weird title, but I am just so happy that my toe is almost completely healed and I can wear a left shoe and a right shoe. I am so happy!

The Secret, The Salon, & My Friend’s Dilemma

I am a big fan of The Secret. I love the tenets presented. The main thing that I love is how the Masters explain that The Law of Attraction is just that- a law. It’s not based on your belief system. You don’t have to be Jewish, or a Christian, or a Buddhist, etc., to make it work. It works if you believe it and use it.

Now, you may asks yourself what does any of this have to do with the salon? Well, I’ll tell you.

Yesterday, almost as soon as I went under the dryer in the salon, there were power outtages in Los Angeles; particularly along the Crenshaw Corridor. Since there was no electricity, this presented quite a problem. How was my beautician going to finish my hair. Someone suggested that she call DWP to see how much time we were looking at. Well, the estimate they gave us was either 20 minutes of 4-6 hours. Are you kidding? That is such a great disparity?

Being ever hopeful and having faith in DWP I decided to wait. 10 minutes turned into 20 minutes  into 30 minutes into one hour. I finally decided that DWP was slacking on their job, and I didn’t have time to waste waiting for them to get things together. So, after I’d gotten into my car and prepared to take off, I notice that Sheila, one of the customers from the salon, is flagging me down. So I roll my window down.

“The power came on as soon as you left,” she said. Needless to say, I parked the car and went back into the salon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah! I know you’re asking yourself what this has to do with my The Secret and my friend’s dilemma. Well, I’m going to tell you after I tell you about my friend’s dilemma.

Okay, so here it goes: I was speaking with my friend this afternoon. She was very discouraged and wanted to give up on something she’d been working on. That’s when I related the story of the salon yesterday after I explained how The Secret works. Rhonda Byrnes explained in The Secret that people often give up and think that it doesn’t work, when it does. The problem is one that I’m sure many people have experienced at some point in time. You try to hold on. You do your best; you’re a real trooper. However, you decide that enough is enough and that you simply cannot believe anymore. So you give up. Some time later on, you find out, had you held on a little longer, you would have gotten what you wanted.

That’s how it was for my friend. I told her that it’s always darkest right before the dawn. I didn’t fully understand that saying until I stayed up overnight one time and saw for myself that it truly is darkest right before dawn.

“Don’t give up,” I said. Just hold on a little longer. It will be okay.

“You know what, you’re right. Thanks for the pep talk. I will keep this in mind,” she gratefully said.

I wrote all that to say, “DON’T GIVE UP!” It is always darkest before the dawn. Even though it might not seem like it, your deliverance is at hand. Just hold on. Everything will work out. Sometimes it may not work out the way you want, but it will work out.

How to Write A Literature Review

During the course of my research on writing a Literature Review, I came across excellent how to’s. If you’re interested, here they are:

• The Literature Review: A Few Tips On Conducting It (University of Toronto)
• Literature Review (Language Center, Asian Institute of Technology). Includes discussion about common traps and vicious circle.
• Literature Reviews (University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill)
• How to Write a Literature Review (UCSC)
• The literature review (Deakin)
• review of literature (UW-Madison)
• The Literature Review (Central Queensland)
• How to do a Literature Review (North Carolina A&T State library)

Writer’s Block

OMG, I, the original blog-a-holic has writer’s block. I have 8 posts just waiting to be completed, but cannot complete them. What do I do? I am not used to having a block. I am used to having curb my enthusiasm from posting 3-4 times/day. Oh, how weird this is!

She’s Not Heavy…

My sister, Darice, moved down the street. Now, her 11 year old daughter goes to school with David, while her 7 year old daughter goes to school with Phillise. We have an arrangement. Phillip or I drop all the kids off in the morning while Darice picks them up in the evening. Well, a couple times Darice was unable to pick them up, so the responsibility of dropping off and picking up the kids reverted back to us.  To top it off,  my 7 year old niece (who’s a little precocious) had to stay home from school one day. The next day I took her to the doctor since my sister didn’t get off work until later. Not only that, I wanted my 11 year old niece to stay, not my 7 year old niece. However, my sister wanted some rest, so I let her stay, but was pretty p.o.’d about it

Well, on top of all that, she got into a car accident yesterday. She was rear-ended while getting off the freeway. The man wasn’t paying attention. When she came over after work, once I saw her car, I started tearing up. I gave her a hug. She didn’t know what to do. She was in a state of shock. I told her that I’d pick up the kids for her; that she just needed to go home and rest. Things have been going so badly for her right now. It’s very fortunate that I can help.

I was bitter, thinking that this arrangement was not working. I was starting to feel put upon. I was starting to resent my sister. But, I started thinking on my way home. I’m looking at this the wrong way. I shouldn’t be resenting my sister. I should be glad that I am in a position to help her right now. You see, my sister is just like me. She does not ask for help. She’s a single mom and has been for a couple of years. She does everything all by herself. I actually admire her. Until I stopped to think about everything, I didn’t realize that my sister needed help. Now, I do. I will do what I can for her because she’s not heavy, she’s my sister!

Lakeshore (Buy 1, Get 1 50% off)

Here’s the coupon, buy 1, get 1 50% off. The coupon is good 3/20/09-3/22/09 .

Present this coupon at time of purchase.

© Lakeshore	coupon code: 1659
Offer valid 3/20/09 – 3/22/09 only. In-store purchases only. Limit one coupon per customer. Limit one item per coupon per transaction. Purchase one item at regular price and receive a second item of equal or lesser value at 50% off its regular price. Offer excludes sales tax & shipping charges. Valid on in-stock items only. No ship-to or special orders. Not to be used toward purchase of gift cards or in conjunction with any other offers, prior purchases, or sale items. Sorry, no rain checks. No cash value.

Missing Them! Part 2

***Warning- This post is long!***

I am really beginning to miss my students. We had so much fun in my class. They knew me and I knew them. It was a good atmosphere, as long as Nu wasn’t present. When he did participate, it was great. I had nicknames for them. It was a funny little cast of characters.

Pink Socks- This little girl was so sassy. She was so talented. She could sing, draw, & dance. The funniest thing about her is that she had a seemingly endless supply of pink socks. Hence the name. She would always take her shoes off and walk around the class. I would tell her to put her shoes back on because I didn’t want to smell her little stinky twinkies.

Tag- He hated me at first. He did not want to be in special ed. He hated me because I was the special ed teacher. He refused to come in my class. If he did come in he would sit in the corner and cry. He became one of my favorite people. He would share his snacks with me. I would give him snacks. The one thing that I loved about him is that he was so eager to learn. He was aware that he didn’t know as much as he could. I had a long talk with him when he finally did come into the class. I asked him if he really wanted to read and he said yes. I told him that it wasn’t easy, but he could do it. He has been impressing me ever since.

Ann- A recent addition who fit in right from the first day. The one who I called Pink Socks for half the day. Thank goodness she forgave me. She was the sweetest little girl.

Sunny- Oh, my sweet little Sunny. I will miss her so much. She was not a talker; never had much to say, but when she talked, I listened. Everyone in the class took up for her. In fact, most of the people in the school took up for her.

Joe Shmo- One of the smallest 5th graders. He had a razor sharp mind. He challenged me and made me think many times. He was very artistic. I constantly complimented him on his artistic talent.

Joe Shmo II- This was a true mama’s boy. When he first came he was so unruly. His being a mama’s boy is actually how I got him under control. His last teacher told me to ask him if he wanted someone treating his mother like he was treating me. He said no. I told him that my sons didn’t like the way he was treating me. He got it.

Bollie- A smart little boy who I wanted out of my class in a good way. I think he could have made it in a general ed. class with support. He cried the first time he got in trouble. I felt so bad. He never got into trouble after that. He was a very good little boy.

Jon- A bit of a wise-cracking, smack talking little boy. We had a tough time in the beginning, but we were finally starting to get it together before I left. He definitely had the gift of gab. I had to find things around the classroom for him to do to try to help him control them lips. Boy could he flap ‘em.

Lex- He was a walking contradiction. He was very respectful to adults, but he loved to fight. He was pretty good at it too. He told me that he fought because he couldn’t read. Yeah, he was aware of why he was fighting. That was one of the things I loved about him. When I first met him, I told him that I knew he was bad, but that I liked him anyway; and that we were going to get along fine. And we did. Only once or twice did I have to threaten to call his mother

Sandoval- Again, another smart kid I wanted out of my class in a good way.

Murphy- Had a 100-watt smile. He was such a gentleman; always ready with a compliment.

Curly Top- He was so eager to learn. He would tell me that he was learning. He said it with such a big smile on his face.

Michael- He was mainstreamed for most of the day. I only saw him in the afternoon. He was quite a handful. One minute he could be the sweetest thing. The next minute he’d be calling me baldheaded. Amazingly enough, I still miss him.

Hallel- Oh, how this child has matured and grown in the past year. I pushed him so hard last year; sometimes a little too hard. I had to back off him and let him be him. That’s when he came out of his shell. I’m so glad he did.

And last is Nu. Believe it or not, he had some very endearing qualities. He had a fantastic smile and a funny sense of humor. The flipside- well, you know the flipside. I’m tired of talking about it. Suffice it to say that I earned this break the hard way.

The love that I have for them is so great, I am tempted to go back. However, as long as my safety is a concern, that is not even an option. I am really going to miss them!

Don’t Become A Verb! (Conjunction, Junction, What’s Your Function?) Part 2

I wrote this post a long time ago about becoming a verb. Chris Brown has become a verb. Before Chris Brown stood for hotness. Now, he stands for abuse. To Chris Brown someone means to beat up on someone smaller and weaker than you.

My husband’s old friend, Amir, he became a verb. He was always crying on my husband’s shoulder in his time of need. The one time my husband needed him, he said, “Doh, gotta’ go.” In my house he is now a verb. To lean on someone endlessly and then bail on them when they need you is to Amir someone.

Sentence- He Amirred me just when I needed him.

Well, then next verb I’d like to introduce is Ann, as in she Anned me. To Ann someone is to put in a selfish request that you just have to have when someone is going through a tough time (and you know it). However, you simply chose to ignore it to try to get what you want regardless of how the other person feels.

Sentence- I just wanted to get some sleep, but all she cared about was what she wanted. She Anned me. Ann called earlier and pretended to ask about how things are going, when all she wanted to do was ask for help with her lesson plans for next week. This hurt my feelings. I am usually a very strong person and will help someone in need. But, now, I just don’t have it to give. I am empty right now. I need to be filled up with love, rest, and time with my family. I am really getting p.o.’d just thinking about how selfish she is. It amazes me sometimes.

I wrote all that to say, (1) be sensitive to people’s needs when they are in need. If someone is normally upbeat and you see that they are in a different mood, don’t press the issue if you need something. If it’s not life threatening, ask at another time. Don’t become a verb.

Yet Another Strategic Inflection Point

Awhile back I wrote a post about being at a strategic inflection point. It’s your proverbial fork in the road. Right now I can either give up and go back to an unsafe work environment or enlist a lawyer and fight for a paid leave of absence. I do not know what to do. I’m crying again. I’m fighting depression. On top of all this, I still have other responsibilities. I need to clear my incompletes, write a 15-20 page paper and take care of my family. I’m here to tell you that life doesn’t stop just because you’re in war. I need to clear my mind. How to do that, I don’t know, but I have to!

Which way do I turn???

She Didn’t Abandon Me!

I feel so much better. I thought that my University Supervisor abandoned me, but she didn’t. I called her last week and asked if she could go with me to my meeting with the Principal, but she didn’t return my call. I now know why. She was out of town. She’d told me that she was celebrating her 50th Wedding Anniversary. I feel so much better now that I know that she didn’t abandon me.

Readers Oath

The Reader’s Oath
by Debra Angstead

I promise to read
Each day and each night.
I know it’s the key
To growing up right.

I’ll read to myself,
I’ll read to a crowd.
It makes no difference
If silent or loud.

I’ll read at my desk,
At home and at school,
On my bean bag or bed,
By the fire or pool.

Each book that I read
Puts smarts in my head,
‘Cause brains grow more thoughts
The more they are fed.

So I take this oath
To make reading my way
Of feeding my brain
What it needs every day.

I would love to have a poster of this oath with a picture of The Cat in the hat eating words that go to his brain to help it grow to give the kids a visual of how reading helps them. Since my son Dakota loves to draw, I’ll see if he can make a poster size drawing of this.

Max’s Dragon by Kate Banks

Max’s Dragon, written by Kate Banks and illustrated by Boris Kulikov, is the sequel to Max’s Words. Although it is not as well written as Max’s Words, it was still a good read. Lovable Max is back and he’s still using his words to have fun. I like this book but it didn’t hit me like the first one. I think if I would have read this one first, I would probably wouldn’t have been so hard on this one. When something is just good and not great like its predecessor (Max’s Words) it doesn’t go over quite as well. Even though I didn’t like this book as much as the first one, I would still read it to my students. The one thing I did like about this book is that it shows how to play with words to make a story more interesting. If you really think about it, this story (if I knew how to use it correctly) could actually be used as a tool to help students become better writers. It’s also good for helping to teach rhyming & imagination. I would love to use this for the Imagination unit in OCR. I am compiling a list of books to use for specific units. I’ll publish it when I’m finished. N-e way, on to the review.
Max and his brothers Karl & Benjamin are back. As the story opens, we see Karl & Benjamin playing a game of croquet. Max isn’t participating. Instead he is looking for words that rhyme.

“Look what I found on the ground, ” says Max as he picks up an umbrella.

“Ready?” Max said, as Benjamin asks him who he’s talking to. Max tells him that he’s talking to his dragon. To which Karl replies that dragons don’t exist.

“Yes they do,” says Max. “There’s a dragon in my wagon.”

“We’re playing hide-and-seek, so please don’t peek,” says Max.

Suddenly Max starts running. Karl asks where he’s going. Why, he’s going to chase his dragon, of course! Just as in the first book, his brothers join in the fun as they become intrigued by his game of words. Where does this game take them? How much fun do they have playing with words? Well, I guess you’re going to have to read it to find out for yourself!

I would say that this book is best for Kinder- 2nd. However, I know that my students would enjoy. So, go to your local library or local bookstore and pick it up.

Library & Lakeshore Saturdays!

I am nearly finished with school. I am on stress leave. The point is that I am not as stressed, so I am getting back to some of the activities that I enjoy that had been all but abandoned in the past couple of years. One thing I really missed was my outings with my children and whatever other children I chose to take along. They were the highlight of my week. I really looked forward to those outings.

I’ve found a couple of other things to do. All for just the price of gas. Every other Saturday, the local library has Storytime from 12pm-1 pm. This gives us just enough time to go to Storytime at the libray, and make it to Lakeshore anytime from 11am-3 pm. Phillise and I went to Lakeshore a couple of times for free craft Saturdays @ the Carson Lakeshore, but haven’t been for awhile. This will be my Saturday morning ritual from now on. It’s the best. I don’t have to get up early, plus I get to spend time with my children. Life don’t get much better than that!

Missing Them

While reading another special ed blog, I was reminded of my classroom and my students. I really miss them. I wish that I could make all that happened disappear and go back to the way things were. They were definitely not perfect, but that’s what I knew; it’s what was comfortable. Not to mention that I loved those kids, sans one. I loved teaching them. I loved when they had that aha! moment. I loved when they chose books for me to read; when they would lovingly harass me to read after Recess & Lunch or listen to Joey Pigza. I am going to miss that. I am going to miss my class. I definitely wish things would have worked out differently. But, things are what they are. I still miss them though!

My Belief…

It is my belief that everything happens for a reason. I believe that nothing is random. Sometimes we can screw things up ourselves, but if we do what we are supposed to do then everything will be the way it’s supposed to be.

That being said, I feel like I made a wrong turn somewhere for me to end up in the current hell that I call my job. I started with all the enthusiasm in the world. While my enthusiasm hasn’t lessened for teaching, it has lessened for my current placement. I really feel like I am at my breaking point. I feel like I’m being punished for something I did. There could be no other explanation (except that I should have run the other way instead of accepting my current placement). My site is located in a violent, high crime, low-income area of South L.A. As a result, the children are very violent and steal a lot. Some of them do not have the basic necessities. They come to school on the coldest of days with a very thin coat or no coat at all.  Life has to get better. It just has to.

For a while now I have felt like quitting my job. I didn’t want to quit teaching because I love it and know that this is what I was meant to do, but I definitely understand why there is such a high turn over of teachers. It’s a no-brainer. I envy those who have had total support because that has not been the case for me. (My AP is wonderful though). I have to stop myself from being bitter. This is no easy task. I will, however, pick myself up and move on because time waits for no man.

WHOSE JOB IS IT?

I’d been looking for this story since I started this blog. I wanted to publish it because it’s a short story that says so much. But, I couldn’t find it anywhere because I didn’t know the name of the story. Well, I was finally rewarded for my good deeds when I did my sister a favor and took my niece to the doctor the other day. When I was scheduling her an appointment, I saw it on the Receptionists’ desk. I told her that I’d been looking for it. That’s when she went straight to the copier and made a copy for me. I was so happy. It’s the little things in life that make you the happiest. Finding this story again has made me so happy. Now, I’d love to share it with you.

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

I Got It From My Mama! Part 2

Now that I’ve gone to counseling and opened the floodgates, I am starting to remember more and more things. One thing about my mother that always bothered me, is that she almost never took my word for anything over an adult. Maybe that’s why one of my sisters believes everything (I mean everything) her children say. My counselor told me that we all reacted differently to the way my mother left my father. I react the way my mother did. I take so much (too much), until I can’t take anymore. That’s when I take a “fight or flight” stance. I’m willing to fight tooth and nail to defend myself at that point. But first I remove myself from the situation- whether it’s mentally or physically. Once I’m removed, then I can focus on my problem.
That is where I’m at now. I have removed myself from my job because I am seeking to understand how to get the better of the situation instead of letting it get the better of me. I have to go. I’m off to my counseling session after this.
The journey continues!

My Fortune

I just got a fortune. Here’s what it said:
“A balance is needed between home and business.”
It is always so amazing to me when a fortune is spot-on. This fortune is 100% correct. Although I don’t know how long I’m going to be on stress leave, trying to have a balance between home and work was definitely a problem.
The whole reason, in a nutshell, that I didn’t have balance is because I was split in too many directions with almost all of my attention focused on work and school. Although I was trying, I was unable to achieve the balance that I needed. That’s why I’m having problems now. I’m putting a plan into action to remedy that though. I do not ever want to be in this position again.

My Meeting!

During the past couple days, I have been going through Hell. I have been threatened, to the point where I felt my life was in danger. I have been able to get no help from UTLA. My university has completely ignored me. I have not felt this alone or abandoned as I have this past week.
I called my union rep at my work site and she got the ball rolling. I told her how UTLA was no help. She was as shocked as I was. True to her word, she arranged a meeting with the Principal. However, after going to my counseling session, I was an emotional wreck. I was advised not to go. I didn’t go, but had to call in.
Since my union rep at my work site got involved, the school police was called in. I spoke with the Principal then the Officer, who told me that they found no evidence of the gun the student threatened to shoot me with, so it was safe to go back to work. He also told me that the mom wanted to apologize for all the confusion.
Are? You? Kidding? Me?
I don’t trust her. She is psychotic. Of course she’s going to tell the police what they want to hear, but I’m the one who’s a sitting duck after work. The officer asked me if I felt safe in the classroom. I told him that it wasn’t the classroom, it was when I leave the classroom. What about when I working late.
“Are you going to be waiting for me outside?” I asked.
“No, ma’am, that’s not possible, he said. We don’t have the resources for that.”
“Well, how then am I supposed to feel safe?” I asked.
No answer.
“Tell me, how am I supposed to take your word for it that I’m safe when you can’t guarantee my protection. You can tell me what you want, but that doesn’t ease my mind one little bit.” I nearly screamed as I sobbed.
It was at this point that the Principal said that she could not allow me to come back. I had to speak to others to plead my case that I shouldn’t have to take an unpaid leave of absence since none of this was my fault.
I will appreciate the time off to get myself together, but how many teachers will this happen to before something is done? How many other teachers has this happened to? Our system is effed up. If I were a horrible teacher who wasn’t doing my job, I bet the Union would step in and help me then. After all, isn’t that what they do? Help the bad teachers keep their jobs.

A Lesson On People

Taken directly from Diva Zone Magazine’s Daily Dose
A Lesson On People

I recently heard a story that changed the way I look at some people that I come in contact with…..

There once was a little bird flying south for the winter. He was flying so fast that he froze in mid air and immediately fell into a field below. While lying there, a cow came by and pooped on him. The bird though highly upset, began to realize that he was starting to thaw from the warmth of the manure. However, he also began to complain about the awful odor. A cat was walking by and heard his complaints. The cat began to dig the bird out. Once the bird was free the cat ate him.

My friends there are three things that I learned from this story:
1. Everyone who poops on you is not your enemy
2. Although you may not be in the perfect situation, don’t complain because…
3. Everyone who digs you out of trouble is not your friend.

Be clear on who serves which role!

Max’s Words by Kate Banks

Letters make sounds

Sounds make words

Words make sentences

Sentences make paragraphs

Paragraphs make stories

That is what I tell my students. This book basically echoes the same sentiment.
Max’s Words (2006), written by Kate Banks and illustrated by Boris Kulikov, was a real treat. My students totally got the concept of words making sentences. I have an activity planned for them that compliments the book. I cut up some sentence strips and placed them in a bag. Their task is to make sentences just as Max and his brothers did in the book. So, on to the review.

Max’s brother Benjamin collected stamps. He asked his brother for a stamp and his brother said no.
Max’s brother Karl collected coins. He asked his brother for a coin and his brother said no.
Max collected nothing. He wanted to collect something, so he decided to collect words.
He collected small words, big words, words that made him feel good, words of things he liked to eat, and words that he cut out of magazines and newspapers.
Max discovered that once he put the words together, he could make sentences. He discovered that if he changed them around, the sentences changed.
If he put the words this way, he got:
A blue crocodile ate the green iguana.
However, if he put the words this way, with the same words, he got:
The blue iguana ate a green crocodile.
He was intrigued. He began experimenting with the words. Soon, he didn’t want Benjamin’s stamps or Karl’s coins. He was happy with his collection. After awhile his brothers want to play with his words. What does he do?
Well, I guess you’re just going to have to read it for yourself and find out.
I highly recommend this book. It would be especially good for Kindergarteners to get the concept of words making sentences. I am on my way to the library to pick up the sequel “Max’s Dragon.” I hope it’s just as good as this one.

Instant Replay

I have been replaying this movie over and over in my head. How could this scene have turned out differently. Is there anything I could have done differently? Could I have headed this off? Could I have just let him strike terror in the children in my class? Was I supposed to let him do whatever he wanted and not worry about his education?
What was I supposed to do???????

I Got It From My Mama!

That’s the name of a song from Will.i.am, former frontman for the Black Eye Peas. We are not, however, talking about the same things. He’s talking about something a woman’s got from her mama-her body. I am talking about something different that I got from my mama- my temperament, my way of handling things, my general way of being.
Let me begin by telling you a little bit about my mother. She is a very passive and docile person. Well, not now, but she was when I was little. She had a very co-dependent personality. Consequently she was in three abusive relationships.
I’m not like that. In fact I’m the opposite. However, I do have some of my mother’s ways. During the counseling session, a very painful memory was dredged up. It was of my mother leaving my father when I was nine. I love my dad (God rest his soul), but he was horrible to my mother. Things were pretty bad. That’s when my mother said enough was enough. She called the police and we were given 5 minutes to get whatever we could and leave. I was able to grab one change of clothing. I did not have time to grab any toys, no schoolwork, nothing. I remember feeling so alone.
My counselor took me back to this painful memory to clue me in to the reason I act the way I do; particularly my situation at work. She told me that I have every right to feel the way I do, but that I could have handled things with a little more finesse than getting to the point where I didn’t care whether I lost my job or not.
The counselor told me that the way I handled it the way that I did is because the way my mother handled things that fateful day when I was nine years old- almost thirty years ago. This is one of the reasons I feel the need to be in control. When I feel out of control, I want to run, just as my mother did that day.
I had no control of the situation at work. There were too many variables. That’s why I felt so uneasy. That’s why I reacted the way I did.
The memory, though painful, was very cathartic. I felt such a relief. I am beginning to understand me. This is what I need to heal myself and get over this traumatic experience. That’s all I have to say for now, but I will write more as I learn more.
So the journey begins

Lifetime Movie Of The Week Starring Leila

I am the Lifetime Movie of the Week. You know those cheesy movies with the same formula of girl meets boy, boy turns into psychotic killer. All through the movie, the woman is begging and asking for help, but since the psychotic killer is smart enough to leave no marks after he beat the hell out of her, or threaten her when no one’s around, or just generally play mind games with her that only she is a witness to, no one will pay any attention to her.

Yeah, that’s the movie. I’m a part of it. In fact, I’m the star/victim. The title of it is “The Parent From Hell.”
If I were the student in this case, this would be playing out totally different. But, since I’m just a lowly teacher who makes jack, then my concerns aren’t important. I told the police officer when I was trying to make the report that he wouldn’t take, that what he was saying is that I have to have something physically happen to me in order to get something done. Well, what’s the point of that? That’s too late. Saying sorry to my husband and my children as my dead body is wheeled out of the school is not the way I want this to play out. Ideally, I would love to go back to my job, but that’s not going to happen because I would never feel safe there again. I couldn’t stay after school and clean my classroom with the door open anymore. I couldn’t go to the parking lot without looking over my shoulders anymore. I couldn’t just walk past anyone without feeling a little bit of paranoia because I don’t know who’s in their family. Have they just let this go or are they just lying in wait until they think I’ve forgotten about it? Will I see it coming? or Will I be putting my things in my car one minute preparing to leave for the day, while I’m meeting my maker the next minute.
If I went back to the war zone, how would this play out? I’m not sure I want an answer to that question!!!!!!!!!!

Disillusioned Me!

As the title states, I am so disillusioned. I thought that I was going to get some help, but obviously that is not going to happen. It looks like I’m going to have to take things into my own hands and come up with my own solution.

The Reason Why I Don’t Ask For Help!

One thing about me is that I sometimes forget the reason why things don’t work or why I stop doing them. One thing that I’ve learned in my life is that If I want something done, I need to do it myself. I have found that asking for help doesn’t work. People will offer to help, but in your time of need, you are alone.
Alone! That’s how I feel right now. On Friday, I felt hopeful that I would be pulled from my current assignment. Now, I do not. UTLA has been of no help, and neither has my University. I am on my own.
I keep getting sent back to my school to ask for help, when that is what I did from the beginning. The only thing UTLA told me is that I need to speak with the Principal and ask her what plan she’s come up with to keep me safe. Are you kidding? We don’t have security. We don’t metal detectors. There is no way I can be kept safe. Someone could easily follow me home. Bullets have no name.
I never usually ask for help. Now that I have, I wish I hadn’t. This is the very reason why I don’t ask for help.

Just Had A Good Cry!

I just had a cry. It is so cleansing. I’d been holding it in, but it had to come out. If not, I would have just imploded. I have to say that I feel much, much better.

There Were Too Many Insurgents!

Warning- This post is kinda’ long! My husband and I were watching one of his favorite shows, The Unit. The Unit is an elite, covert operation that does not exist. If there something that needs to be done and it’s off the grid, they’re the ones who handle it. They finish their mission. ALWAYS!

Well, in this particular episode, the star of the show, Denis Haysbert, goes behind enemy lines to rescue his daughter. Big fat no-no. He broke all kinds of rules. They now need a cover story. He has to coach his daughter on what to say & what not to say so she won’t blow their cover. The problem is that she’s shell-shocked. There are many similarities between us. She was in war. I was in the trenches also. She is shell-shocked. So am I.

I cannot believe this is affecting me this way. I tried to get off the couch on Saturday, to no avail. I feel as if I’m slipping into depression, as she did. Neither one of us got a chance to complete their mission.
He then tells her that she needs to own the story if it’s going to be believable. He asks her if she let her team down. She tells him that she doesn’t know how if she let her team down. So, he tells her that she needs to admit her true feelings. And then, only then, can she move on.
He asks her again if she let her team down. As he continues to grill her she admits that she did let her team down. She then tells him what happened.
Her words- “There were too many insurgents. They were everywhere. I couldn’t control what was happening.”
My words- there were too many variables. I had virtually no administrative support in the beginning. I had no training. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. How could I have known that the parents come to physically fight instead of fighting in court? How could I have known that I would come close to having a nervous breakdown? How could I have predicted how things would turn out?
There were just too many variables!!! I know that my husband’s right about all of this. I just have to keep telling myself that until I believe it. Logically I know that I cannot control anyone else’s behavior. I know there was no way this situation could have been avoided since this parent thinks her child walks on water even though he terrorizes the whole school.
I couldn’t have known how things would end up. There was no way. I just could not have known!
I am going to stop beating myself up. I did all I could. I simply could not give anymore. I am spent. Now it’s time to rebuild.
So, dear readers, that’s where I’m at- what I’ve been going through this year. That’s what’s going on in a nutshell. I feel bad because I don’t feel like I finished my mission. I wanted to leave when I wanted to leave, not when someone else said so.

When Parents Attack…

Parents attacking is a sad fact of life at my work site. The mindset is one of “Do now, think later (maybe not ever).” I had a situation yesterday where one of my students, Nu, who has a history of lying, went home and told his mother some sort of lie. His mother then started calling my cellphone leaving crazy messages. Not only that but she sent a couple of her people to the campus to jump me. Thank goodness I left early or who knows what would have happened. Who knows? I could be laying in some hospital, or the morgue!
I am so stressed out I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave my students, but I have to think about my safety. This is such a sad day when I have to consider leaving because I fear for my life at a school.
Luckily my university is behind me and trying to help me with the situation. If not, I don’t know what. Although most cases won’t be as severe as mine, this is why many teachers leave within the first 5 years.
I don’t know how this is going to play out. Only time will tell.

Let It Flow!

Yes, dear readers, there is a double entendre in the title. I am really mad with my students. My male students to be exact.
What’s the problem, you ask?
They won’t go to the restroom during Recess & Lunch!
I tell them ahead of time to use the restroom, but without fail, as soon as they come up to the classroom, they ask to go to the restroom.
Before anyone comments, Yes, I used to take them to the restroom right after Recess & Lunch. With the key word being used to.
I would stand outside the bathroom with a timer, timing them with military precision. But, even with all that, it still took up a fair amount of time because there is a very delicate balance I have to strike. You see, if student A goes in, then I can’t send in student B. However, student A always has to go first because he has a medical condition and he can take all day. So, everyone will have used the restroom except student B. Because if I send him in there there is always some kind of incident-whether it’s verbal or physical.
So, needless to say, I stopped taking them since it took up so much class time and caused so much confusion and noise outside the Kindergarten classes.
So, back to the lecture at hand. I need to get them to use the restroom on their time, not class time. I don’t want to make them have an accident, but this is frustrating. I want to be flexible and go with the flow, but they completely take advantage of that. What can I do to stop their flow? (Pun intended)

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss!

(1904-1991)

This man changed the way we look at education. Happy Birthday to you Ted, B.K.A. Dr. Seuss. If he were still alive, today would have been his 105th. Happy Birthday to the man who took a handful of words, rhymed them and made history.

I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, & Doggone It, People Like me! Part 2nough

I have been in such a slump, nay, a funk. I haven’t been doing homework, or lesson plans, or housework. I pretty much haven’t been doing anything. I have been sabotaging myself.
I have it all figured out. This is what’s going on. After becoming a mother for the first time @ 19, and the second time, shortly thereafter, @ 21, I thought it was a wrap. I never thought I’d get this far in my life. I had counted myself out. Now, that having my Master’s from a prestigious university is within my grasp, I don’t know what to do. I really find it hard to believe that I’ve pulled myself up by my bootstrap and am doing the damn thing.
I’m scared.
No one in my immediate family has a Bachelor’s degree, let alone a Master’s degree. I hope that my children will change that. N-e way, back to what I was talking about.
What everything boils down to is that I’m so scared of failing that I’m failing myself. I feel like I don’t deserve it.
Now is the time to face my fears and believe that I do deserve to have that Bachelor’s degree in Human Development from Azusa Pacific that I worked so hard for. I do deserve my teaching credential and Master’s degree from Loyola Marymount University that I am almost killing myself to obtain. I do deserve all of the things I’ve worked so hard for.
You know why- (in the words of Stuart Smalley) I’m good enough. I’m smart enough and doggone it, people like me!