Yeah, about that post a couple days ago. I DO NOT apologize for it. That was how I was feeling. I do, however, apologize for the language. I was so distraught. I can honestly say that it was THE lowest emotional & spiritual point of my life. I have never felt the way I felt that day. I have always believed in God. Although lately it has been in an agnostic kind of way. I still believed in a higher power. That was not the case the other day. The other day I simply refused to believe that there could be a higher power even. I mean seriously, with all the stuff I’ve been going through as well as what I see in the world. I didn’t want to continue.
So, what has changed since then? I don’t know. One thing that I’ve experienced in my lifetime is the belief that God does not put more on you than you can bear. Again, the other day, I did not find that to be the case. I have said that I am at a breaking point before but did not break. I was broken. There is simply no other way to put it. I was spiritually & emotionally broken. It was written all over my face & body. My shoulders were slumped. I had nothing left to give. I couldn’t even smile. I didn’t want to smile.
But, let me get back to what I was saying. What has changed? I gave up & completely & totally broke. Why is that? Is that a requirement of committing to God? Do you have to be broken? I wish I had the answer to myself, dear reader. I’d write a book about it if I did. That’s all I have to say.
HERE’S TO 2010!
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