I am wayyy different than my family. This used to be a big problem for me when I was younger. It has been an even bigger problem since I’ve gotten older. It’s like “damned if I do, damned if I don’t.”
When I graduated from high school, my family was proud of me. When I went off to college, they were even prouder of me. When I had a baby at 19, they were not. At that point it was like welcome to the jungle. You’re no different than the rest of us. You went and got yourself knocked up by the first boy you met. Serves you right for thinking that you’re better than us anyway.
Okay! Wait! Hold the phone! Who said anything about me thinking that I’m better than anybody? If anything, it’s the other way around. My family has never really made me feel particularly loved. With all four of my children, no one, I repeat, no one came to see me in the hospital except for my husband and my children. I have always been made to feel like I was different because I preferred to stay inside and read instead of going outside; also because I didn’t think like others.
They have always called me weird or white girl. People this is laughable as there’s no way on God’s green earth that I would ever pass for white. That stuff stung; it hurt a lot.
My problem is that I have never, ever fit in. I wasn’t black enough for black folks, nor was I white enough for white folks. Where then do I fit in? That’s a question that I asked myself a lot. Where do I fit in? Continue reading
Okay, I finally took my final for my Oceanography class-the only thing keeping my degree from posting. It was hard. N-e way, I did and got it over with. While I was there, I ordered my transcripts to be sent to Azusa when the Professor finishes grading my test.
God really takes care of me. The professor, who’s a geologist, was away on a dig. He just came back. I was lucky enough to catch him in the office, because if I didn’t I would have had to wait for the office to mail it to him, for him to grade it and then send it in with my grade, which could have taken up to a month. Thank God that I didn’t have to go through all of that. Now it should only be about a week for my degree to post. Hallelujah and thank you Jesus!
Do you sometimes sabotage yourself? I don’t know about you, but I do. One such instance, in particular, is my hesitation about taking the final for a class that I finished in April. I was sick the day of the final, but I have had plenty of time to make it up since then. That class is the only thing keeping my degree from posting; the only thing keeping me from realizing my almost elusive dream of obtaining my degree.
“Why haven’t I taken the test before now?,” I ask myself. I don’t know. I just don’t have the answer to that. Up until this point, I have worked so hard to get my degree. At one point, I was going to four, count ‘em, four schools at the same time. On Mondays, I went to Los Angeles Southwest College to finish my speech class. On Wednesdays, I went to Azusa to finish up my last class, Art. On Saturday, I went to an English class in West Covina, and finally, on Sunday, I went to Los Angeles Valley College to finish my Oceanography class. This is the infamous class for which I still haven’t taken my final.
As a result of being married to a wonderful man who has always tried to get me to continually improve myself, I have been on a quest to do just that. I, like millions of others, discovered “The Secret” on Oprah a couple of months ago. Continue reading