I Will Survive & Thrive!

At our staff development meeting, the special ed teachers were in our own meeting. It was then that one of my administrators decided that she would hold me up as an example of what not to do. She then compared me to a veteran teacher whose classroom is set up so well, has all of her teaching supplies ready and is a model of what to do. Ok, well, after about 10 years I will be that teacher. For now, this marks my 10th day of teaching. I don’t know anywhere, in any job, where someone doing it for 10 days can be compared to someone who’s been doing it for 10 years.

As I said before (or maybe I was just thinking it), teaching is the only profession where you are expected to do your job on the first day just as well as anyone else who has been doing it for years.

I am pissed off. Not only because she tried to front me, but also because I have been asking for help, but have been put off. I have not gone in there acting like I know everything. I’ve gone in there very humble understanding that I had a lot to learn. That, however, has not done me any good. I feel like a complete idiot. I feel like I don’t know anything. I feel like I’m flying blind. I have been making up lessons everyday that are draining me.

I’m not kidding. I haven’t received so much as counsel on anything. I was talking to my husband about it. He told me that I made a mistake by thinking that I was going to get help. I agree on one hand and disagree on the other. I don’t think that it’s unrealistic to expect help on the first day of work; to have some type of direction from those above me.

It is so funny that I was promised the world before I started, only to have those same promises rescinded right before my very eyes like they were never even said.

This was going to be another rant but I’m not even going to go there because I know that if God led me to it, he will lead me through it. But it’s just like always, I will survive no matter what. Not only will I survive, I will thrive.

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7 Responses

  1. Welcome to a profession that eats its young!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting, BTW.

    Don’t feel too bad about venting on your blog, but be sure to change the names to protect the guilty!

    The only saving grace as to the timing of you starting this job is that you’ll have some breaks in there to recharge, reflect and then make adjustments. But I’m afraid you’ll be playing catch-up the entire year. Most teachers do that, but we just get better at making it look like we’re on top! Good teachers never really are, because we always over extend ourselves beyond what is expected. We never feel quite “good enough”.

    Survival is not a bad thing. It’s a tough place to live, but it takes at least a year to feel even marginally competent! I do hope your administration and district pulls their collective heads out of their posteriors and gives you some support. Retaining special education teachers is even harder than recruiting them!

    I enjoyed looking over your blog, and might even send a few folks your way.

    dick

  2. Thank you. I have been reading your blog for some time. If I didn’t have my mind so firmly made up I would have quit the first day. I know that this is what I am supposed to be doing, but it has already been so much of a drain. I am happy that I started when I did. I am so happy that in a couple of weeks, I will have a break for Christmas vacation so I can have time to plan.

  3. [...] with students who are not necessarily the most or best socialized.   In a recent post she wrote, she opines about the lack of resources, material and support compared to what she had been sold prior to taking the job.  Special educators the world over will [...]

  4. I’m in my 4th year and just starting to feel like I have a handle on things. Your description of what your principal did brought back memories of my first 2 years in a bad school with unhappy teachers and a horrible principal. This year I landed in heaven and am so happy. I wish there was a different way to have a first year but in teaching it is so tough. You have a good attitude and things will get better. Hang in there!

    Christine

  5. Thank you so much for your support. I hope that I don’t have to wait until the fourth year. I feel like I’m drowning. I need a life raft.

  6. You’re not expected to be a veteran teacher on your first day but administrators, in my experience, generally don’t want to know about your problems. Are there teachers at your school with whom you can commiserate? Coaches? Mentors?

  7. Nope. It’s kinda’ cliquish in the school like I’m sure it is in most schools. I could probably talk to my university supervisor.

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