At our staff development meeting, the special ed teachers were in our own meeting. It was then that one of my administrators decided that she would hold me up as an example of what not to do. She then compared me to a veteran teacher whose classroom is set up so well, has all of her teaching supplies ready and is a model of what to do. Ok, well, after about 10 years I will be that teacher. For now, this marks my 10th day of teaching. I don’t know anywhere, in any job, where someone doing it for 10 days can be compared to someone who’s been doing it for 10 years.
As I said before (or maybe I was just thinking it), teaching is the only profession where you are expected to do your job on the first day just as well as anyone else who has been doing it for years.
I am pissed off. Not only because she tried to front me, but also because I have been asking for help, but have been put off. I have not gone in there acting like I know everything. I’ve gone in there very humble understanding that I had a lot to learn. That, however, has not done me any good. I feel like a complete idiot. I feel like I don’t know anything. I feel like I’m flying blind. I have been making up lessons everyday that are draining me.
I’m not kidding. I haven’t received so much as counsel on anything. I was talking to my husband about it. He told me that I made a mistake by thinking that I was going to get help. I agree on one hand and disagree on the other. I don’t think that it’s unrealistic to expect help on the first day of work; to have some type of direction from those above me.
It is so funny that I was promised the world before I started, only to have those same promises rescinded right before my very eyes like they were never even said.
This was going to be another rant but I’m not even going to go there because I know that if God led me to it, he will lead me through it. But it’s just like always, I will survive no matter what. Not only will I survive, I will thrive.