Am I Cut Out For This?


Am I cut out for this? I have been asking myself this all this week because I really did not want to go back to work. I have been talking to myself and trying to tell myself that I can do this, but I just don’t believe it. Yesterday I broke. I mean mentally. I looked at one of my students who’s in 2nd grade and felt like crying.

“Three more years,” I thought. I have to deal with his crap for three more years. I can’t. It is simply too much to deal with. I have to say that the rest of my class is okay. Yes, some of them still have behavior problems, but not as severe as this kid.

I went on a field trip today and had to leave him behind because I didn’t have a signed trip slip for him. Let me just say that the whole school noticed. Everyone got a chance to see what I deal with on a daily basis.

I just can’t see dealing with him for three more years. He really makes me ready to move on. I will, too, if I have to deal with him for the next three years. It is simply not worth my sanity.

If I am one of the unlucky few who get laid off because of the budget cuts, I’ll know that it’s time to move on. I am one of those people who looks for signs. Boy, getting laid off would be the biggest sign; As big as the Hollywood sign.

3272hollywood_sign

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8 thoughts on “Am I Cut Out For This?

  1. No, he cannot be transferred. I am the only upper SDC teacher. Once they come to me in 2nd grade, they don’t leave until they graduate. So, I am stuck with him.

  2. I feel your pain. I have kids a lot like the one you have. Except in high school, the time to graduation is 7-8 years!!! And it really, really is a big part of the pain of a self-contained setting where you are stuck with the same student all day, everyday for *years!* It’s like a freaking marriage! Trust me, I have wanted to flee many, many times. But when this kid leaves, you’ll have another one come who will be an even bigger mess. No matter what and where you teach, there will always be at least one kid who will push your buttons and yank your chain. And guess which kids end up making you a better teacher? It’s not the easy ones.

    You can do this, but it will involve digging deep. Once we get over trying to get away and escape, we can start dealing with the problem head-on.

    As far as the economy, HA! You could pee in the principal’s pocket but you aren’t going anywhere! Your job is pretty secure because there are a lot of other people who would rather be unemployed than deal with what you have to deal with everyday! It’s not easy and it never is. But it also isn’t always a nightmare. Consider this: we’re half way through the school year! Getting your degree finished will also take off a ton of pressure off you. Keep the faith!

  3. Morocco, I have made him my helper, but every time he earns even a little bit of trust, he does something to totally destroy it. I keep giving him chances but he blows them every time.

    Daniel, thank you for taking the time to comment on this post. I will definitely heed your advice. I have a feeling that I will not be one of the ones getting laid off. Even though it would make my life easier in one respect, it will also make it harder since I wouldn’t have an income. I’ve been so frustrated that I have not been thinking straight.

  4. George says:

    Hi Leila! It’s been a while since I’ve checked in and I am catching up on your blog. I hope you had a great holiday and I understand how you feel about going back to school. It was hard. I agree with the comment by Daniel that said that there will ALWAYS be one kid who drives you nuts.

    I guess the key will be to find ways to not let these kids get to us. I have this one kid who without fail will always do something awful, no matter what day it is… tantrums, hitting others, throwing things, rolling on the floor, screaming, breaking things, etc. etc. Often, he’s just plain mean and nasty to everyone.

    I was reflecting on it recently and realized that his behavior was less severe since the beginning of the year or I had grown slightly accustomed to it and was able to tune it out….. and I think it was the latter.

    One thing I definitely have promised myself is not to focus all my attention on this kid at the expense of the others. Ultimately, you can’t make anyone do anything. If a kid wants to writhe on the floor and scream, well… then there isn’t anything I can do unless he is hurting himself or others.

    And never forget… you can only do your best. We’re both relatively new to this. We need to cut ourselves some slack (I know, easier said than done). Hang in there!

  5. Thank you for your comment George. I am indeed hanging in. You are exactly right when you say there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. So, I am going to change up my strategy. He totally does not like being ignored. When he starts acting up, that’s what I’m going to do.

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