Warning- This post is kinda’ long! My husband and I were watching one of his favorite shows, The Unit. The Unit is an elite, covert operation that does not exist. If there something that needs to be done and it’s off the grid, they’re the ones who handle it. They finish their mission. ALWAYS!
Well, in this particular episode, the star of the show, Denis Haysbert, goes behind enemy lines to rescue his daughter. Big fat no-no. He broke all kinds of rules. They now need a cover story. He has to coach his daughter on what to say & what not to say so she won’t blow their cover. The problem is that she’s shell-shocked.
As I think about it, I realize that there are many similarities between us. She was in war. Well, I felt I was in a war also. She is shell-shocked. So am I.
I cannot believe this is affecting me this way. I tried to get off the couch on Saturday, to no avail. I feel as if I’m slipping into depression, as she did. Neither one of us got a chance to complete our mission.
Dennis Haysbert then tells his television daughter that she needs to own the story if it’s going to be believable. He asks her if she let her team down. She tells him that she doesn’t know if she let her team down. So, he tells her that she needs to admit her true feelings. And then, only then, can she move on.
He asks her again if she let her team down. As he continues to grill her she admits that she did let her team down. She then tells him what happened.
Her words- “There were too many insurgents. They were everywhere. I couldn’t control what was happening.”
My words- there were too many variables. I had virtually no administrative support in the beginning. I had no training. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. How could I have known that the parents come to physically fight instead of fighting in court? How could I have known that I would come close to having a nervous breakdown? How could I have predicted how things would turn out?
There were just too many variables!!! I know that my husband’s right about all of this. I just have to keep telling myself that until I believe it. Logically I know that I cannot control anyone else’s behavior. I know there was no way this situation could have been avoided since this parent thinks her child walks on water even though he terrorizes the whole school.
I couldn’t have known how things would end! There was no way.
I just could not have known!
I am going to stop beating myself up. I did all I could. I simply could not give anymore. I am spent. Now it’s time to rebuild.
So, dear readers, that’s where I am- what I’ve been going through this year. That’s what’s going on in a nutshell. I feel bad because I don’t feel like I finished my mission. I wanted to leave when I wanted to leave, not when someone else said so.