The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want…. He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul. He leadeth me in the path of righteousness for his namesake. Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me… Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies…Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. Psalm 23
When I was in church a couple of weeks, the preacher, Caleb, spoke on this very scripture. Imagine my surprise at finding myself in the very situation of being in the valley of the Shadow of death just a couple weeks later. When the preacher spoke on this, I simply thought this was a great sermon. I liked it but only had a small personal connection to it. Now that I feel I’m in the valley of the shadow of death, I feel the connection to this sermon even more.
This is how I feel right now. I feel like I’m not really living life. I feel like I’m being tortured. My life has been really hard for the past couple of years. If I’m not experiencing financial hardship, then I’m experiencing emotional hardship. It always one bad thing or another. Murphy’s law- If it could go wrong, believe me when I say that it has gone wrong.
I’m extremely disappointed in my early warning “system”. Usually I can feel when something is going to happen- good or bad. I’ll have an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don’t know why, but it didn’t happen this time. I feel sideswiped. Because I was so taken by surprise, I am having a hard time recovering. When something happens to me, I like to withdraw to my little cave. I’ve been told that I’m like a man in that respect. But, I digress.
I am so distraught. I feel like nothing has been going my way for a couple of years now. I thought things were different. I thought my life was going to get better, but it’s just one trial after another. I really feel like giving up. I don’t feel like I’m living life, I feel like I’m being tortured. I know. I know. I know life is not fair, but life sucks. It sucks so bad. I know this is going to pass. It always does. It’s just what happens in the meantime. All the hell I have to go through as I go through the valley of the shadow of death. But, I will prevail. I know that God is with during this travail through the valley of the shadow of death. I’d just like to know when is it going to end?