Too Cute to Be a Slave???

*** If you offend easily, please don’t read this post and reply with a nasty comment.***

Ok, let me explain that title. Let me begin by saying that one of my sisters is a professional hair braiders who regularly braids Phillise’s hair. Phillise’s hair is freshly done, so she thinks she is too cute. Apparently, according to her, she’s too cute to play a slave for her  Black History Month performance. She, being the little girl that she is (with freshly braided hair, I might add), thought she couldn’t possibly look like a slave.

“Mom,” she said with her cute little self, “How am I going to look like a slave when I am soooo cute?”

“Really!,” I said.

I tell ya’, kids say the darndest things!

Guess How Smart I Am?

Well, guess! I am so smart that I didn’t know that David started school on Monday. Yes, people, today is Wednesday. The year just started and already, he’s missed 3 days of school. I could just scream.

The Day I Saw My Mother-in-Law’s vagina!

worst-weekAh, the day I saw my mother-in-law’s vagina. What a catchy title? You just have to read this post now, don’t you? Trust me, this post is not going to be what you thought it was going to be about. This post is about a couple of things. Like to hear them, here they are:

  1. Why I don’t play classical music anymore.
  2. Why does, “Aha, aha…,” mean?
  3. Why I don’t share my blog address with many people.
  4. How I came up with the title, “The Day I Saw My Mother-in-Law’s Vagina”

I know, with a title like that, I have a lot of explaining to do, so here goes: When I first started at my site last year, I used to play classical music to calm the students down. However, one time the Principal came into my room and instructed me to turn it off. She said that it was too distracting. So, I had to stop. Even though it was working, I had to stop. That’s why I stopped playing classical music in my classroom.

Now, that leads me to my second point of “Aha!…Aha!…” In the movie Princess Bride, Billy Crystal’s character would make these silly little points that had absolutely no point. Once someone would question him about the meaningless “points”, he would hold up his finger and respond, “Aha!…Aha!…” The questioner would be left with a blank look wondering why in the world he thought he’d proven a point when he absolutely did not. That wraps up my second point and brings me to my third point of why I don’t share my blog address with many people at my work site.

Well, the main reason that I don’t share my blog address with many at my work site is because a couple of them are scared of Special Education. They remember how the students used to be before I came. Some of them still choose to see them like that even though they’re not like that anymore. They just have a hard time changing their way of thinking about special ed. Everything was fine until Nu. Now, this lends credence to what people were saying, “See! I told you how those Special Ed kids are!”

Well, the problem is that recently I decided to share my blog address with a couple of teachers @ school. So, right now, I’m not sure who’s reading this. But, since I don’t work at that job site anymore, it’s not all that important. Let’s move on!

Lastly, to wrap this up, I used to watch this great (recently cancelled) show, “Worst Week”? Well, what does this show, seeing my mother-in-law’s vagina, not playing classical music anymore, why I don’t share my blog address with a lot of people, and “Aha, aha…,” have to do with anything? Okay, well, just wait a little bit longer and I’ll bring it back around.

On the show, “Worst Week,” the main character, Brian, who’s a writer, is always doing stupidly destructive things. All kinds of crazy, out-of-the-ordinary kinds of things happen to him. He’s like an accident magnet- accidents are so drawn to him.

Well, Brian tells the story of how, in a quirky twist of fate, he saw his mother-in-law’s vagina. In the show, Brian and his fiancée are making an appointment to see the gynecologist because, unbeknownst to the family, his fiancée, Mel, is pregnant. What they don’t know is that his M-I-L is also going to the gynecologist. But she’s old school so she doesn’t talk about stuff like that.

When it’s Sam & Mel’s turn to go in, he’s busy doing something else, so he doesn’t go in with her. Now he doesn’t know which room she’s in. In order to find out which room she’s in, he gives the nurse the last name and the nurse tells him the room number. Or so he thinks!

Anyway, to shorten the story and keep it moving, suffice it to say that Sam ends up seeing his M-I-L’s vagina. He tells the guys about it and it somehow makes its way back to the boss who tells him to write about it. He does and as usual, some mishap occurs. His M-I-L ends up with the story. He wanted to write it to get it out, but didn’t want to publish it. That’s what predicament I find myself in.
I have this fantastic story to tell but I can’t tell it. So, learning from Brian’s mistake I won’t even publish that story. I will simply be content and settle for telling it to my husband, my sister and Traci.

It’s funny how somethings can be seemingly unrelated, yet they conspire to bring about a revelation that most people (those who aren’t odd & quirky like me) wouldn’t connect. I know. It took a long time to bring it around, but it was kinda’ funny. What I’m basically trying to say is that I have this really funny story to tell that I cannot tell for various reasons.

On a final note, I could totally have written for Seinfeld. I’m just saying!

Totally Random….

This is totally random, but one of my pet peeves is loud chewing and noise while eating. There are these chips that I buy from Smart N’ Final that are so crunchy. Whoever eats them is going to make a loud crunching noise. My husband and my middle son Dakota are such loud chewers that I actually stopped buying the chips at one point.

That’s it. That’s the whole point of my post. Bye!

Guess How Smart I Am!

Well, guess? I am so smart that I broke my own glasses on Sunday night while at a friends’ house. It’s not what you think though. It was an accident. You see, I sleep in my glasses, so they’re crooked. Well, I adjusted them a little too much and they just broke right in half. I was so shocked I just sat there and looked at them. I cried yesterday. I felt so helpless without them the past couple of days. Well, today I did something about it. I got contacts from Costco. For $109, I got an eye exam for glasses and contact + prescriptions for glasses and contacts + some disposable contacts to boot. So, yippee, I can see again. Now, I don’t have to pay over $250 for some glasses at LensCrafter.  I love COSTCO.

A Review Of The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button

I saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons last night. It was one of the best movies I’ve ever seen in my life. The acting was splendid, and the make-up was absolutely wonderful.


Brad Pitt simply amazes me. He totally becomes whatever character he is playing. He is an amazing actor. I don’t think that I ever mentioned I saw him before in person when Phillise was a baby. My husband worked at a voice-over studio and he was there recording something.His Range was blocking the way as I was trying to get into the lot. Before I could get a chance to ask him to move, he held his hand up to tell me to wait and politely moved back. He was only blocking the way because he was listening to the pesky valet trying to hawk a script to him. Anyway, I waved a thank you, to which he nodded. I didn’t know who he was, but I thought that surely he was the best looking person I’d ever seen in my life. His skin was oh so beautiul. His clothes looked like they cost more than I make in a month (They probably did), and his features were simply chiseled. I am not kidding. He is so fiiiiiiiine. You just don’t see people this good looking walking the street everyday. You simply cannot tell that he is as good looking as he is on television. Television absolutely does not do him justice, at all. My husband knows that if I were ever going to leave him that it would be for Brad Pitt if he would have me. I know that as soon as I get that snowball out of Hell, he’ll leave Angelina Jolie and the kids for me. Anyway, enough about that fine specimen of a man and on to talking about the movie.


The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was great. The casting was excellent. Brad Pitt should get a nod for Best Actor.Taraji Henson and Cate Blachett both did an excellent job. One, or both of them should definitely get a nod for Best Supporting Actress. The make-up artists should get a nod for Best Make-up. The movie was so well written, and the story was an original, refreshing break from the norm.
As for Taraji, she did an amazing job. You really believed that she could have possibly been his mother. No matter that she’s black and he’s white. You really believed that she was his mother.

Cate Blanchett put in an excellent performance as well. The chemistry between her and Brad Pitt was electric. All in all, the movie was phenomenal. Even though I will not give away the ending, I will say that the ending is a tearjerker. You can see it coming, but it’s still sad. I highly recommend this movie. It is well worth seeing. I give it *****/*****. You will too.

Guess How Smart I Am?

Well, guess!! I am so smart that I went to the library and checked out some books. No, that’s not the guess how smart part. The guess how smart part is when I fell asleep in one of those comfy chairs while waiting for David, Phillise, Calvin, & Chloe to finish on the computers and check out their books, and left one of the books that I just checked out in the chair. Yeah, smart, I know!

I called the library, but the librarians couldn’t find out because of the shift change. So, now I have to file a lost report or something like that.

I am, however, not going to leave this matter in the hands of the library system. The last time I did, I ended up paying $20.50 for a book that I didn’t lose. When I return to the library on Thursday, I am going to look for it.

So, until then, I hope I don’t do something too smart! Bye for now!

Guess How Smart I Am?

I am so smart that I decided to take the Dumb Test that pops up. While waiting for my results, something comes up and I agree to it just to pass to the next phase to get my results. Well, before the screen went to the other page, I saw a dollar amount. It was kinda’ wordy with small words so I didn’t really bother to read it. That was such a big mistake. I think that is what that company counts on- people not reading the fine print. I immediately hit the back button. $12.95??? For some kind of voice mail thing???

Whatever!!! I don’t remember putting down my real number. I’m pretty sure I put down a fake number, but I called anyway just to make sure. There was nothing on file. According to the customer service agent, I should not be billed. I’ll check my phone bill next month. Just in case, I asked the customer service agent what to do in the event that I do get charged and she said to call back and they would take care of it.

You see how easy it is to get scammed? If I wouldn’t have noticed the dollar sign, I would have been getting hit up to the sum of $12.95 $9.99/month for a voice mail service I wouldn’t have even known was there, and that I don’t even need.

I don’t remember the name of the company is or their phone number, but if you see the dumb test pop up on your screen, be smart and ignore it.

*** I was online and lo and behold, what should pop up on my screen but the Dumb Test. This time I took the liberty of copying and pasting the information. Here it is for your viewing pleasure:***

All charges will be billed on your wireless service bill for $9.99/month or deducted from your prepaid balance. For help, text “HELP” to 44577 at anytime. To cancel your service, text “STOP” to 44577 at anytime. For questions, please contact customer service at or call 1-800-988-6084. By subscribing to either use GatorArcade™ or subscribing to the Premium GatorArcade™ Service, you agree to receive free content and promotional offers from GatorArcade™ and to be bound by the GatorArcade™ Terms and Conditions (which includes disclaimers of warranties, limitation of liabilities and an agreement to arbitrate all claims) and PrivacyPolicy, each located on, as each may be updated and/or modified from time to time.

Yep, Really Smart!

This is a guess how smart I am. Well, what are you waiting for? Go ahead! Guess!

The punchline: I am so smart that I submitted the wrong lesson plan to Livetext (an online portfolio). As a result I ended up getting only half credit. So I got a B- instead of an A when I did the work.

What? Not laughing? No, I wasn’t either. I really felt like crying. However, there is a good side to this. I am able to see the silver lining, so here it goes: I passed with an 81%. Had it been 2% less, I would have had to take the class over. So, that’s definitely a good thing that I don’t have to take the class over.
Even though I know this, I still had to calm myself down because I was at work when I saw my grade. I will keep telling myself that there’s a reason.
Once I think about it, ya’ know what? In the grand scheme of things, I will survive. A grade of B- is still passing, so I will be okay.

I didn’t think I would make it through the semester. I thought I was going to have to withdraw, take an emergency leave of absence, and/or have a nervous breakdown. But I didn’t.

I made it through and so will you.

Guess How Smart I Am…

Guess how smart I am???

(I am laughing so hard as I type this!)

I am so smart that I thought it was Saturday. Let me begin my story by saying that I came home from work and took a nap. Okay, that being said, now I shouldn’t sound so crazy as I tell this story.

My little boy and girl came in my room and woke me up to talk to me. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 7:00. Since I was still in a sleepy haze, I thought that it was 7:00 a.m. and that I was running late.

“David, get dressed”, I said.

Mom, it’s Friday. We don’t have to go anywhere.

“Okay”, I said sarcastically. If you want it to be Friday, you let it be Friday, but for me it’s Saturday!

He and Phillise tried in vain to convince me that it was still Friday, but I just wouldn’t hear it. As they left the room, I began to wonder if I’d slept for twelve straight hours. Had I?

No, I hadn’t. I’d only slept for about three hours.

Yeah, that’s how smart I am!!!

Guess How Smart I Am?

I haven’t said this in a long time, so let me say it now. I am the Blogmeister. As with anything, I know that this should not warrant a post, but as I said, I am the Blogmeister. Well, here’s the story, me & my good friend Traci have this saying.
I’ll call her and say, “Girl, guess how smart I am?”
“How smart are you,” she’ll say.
I am so smart that…

Well, this is the latest “Guess how smart I am?”…

This happened two weeks ago. One of my students came to me and told me that one of my other students was about to pull the fire alarm because it was open. Me, being the smart person that I am, decided that I would fix it. So, I pushed it up, and what do you think happened?
If you guessed that the fire alarm went off, then you are correct!
I very smartly pulled the fire alarm.
The principal was miffed with me. I could definitely understand it. I mean, I shouldn’t have touched it, but I didn’t want one of my students to pull the alarm because every little thing they do is under scrutiny.
I don’t regret doing this because it saved one of my students from doing it. However, if I had to do it all over again, I would call the plant manager to come and fix it.
Anyway, that is my guess how smart I am for the week. I’m sure there will be many more.

A Reverse Psychology Motivational Speaker Using Seinfeldian Terms

For this Thanksgiving I had a plan. I was going to have a peaceful Thanksgiving if it killed me damnit! My plan was to unvite some parts of my family for Thanksgiving. Yeah, you read it right. I said unvite insteadseinfeld.jpg of invite. That’s a Seinfeldian term from the sitcom by Jerry Seinfeld. Let me explain- On the show Elaine is given an invitation to a wedding which is in India the next day. She correctly guesses that it is an unvitation. The person really doesn’t want her there but can’t really just come out and say it. She is livid, but she goes just because she knows that she’s not wanted there. While there she wreaks havoc.

For an unvitation to be effective, it has to be issued at the very last minute, and, this last part is very important, the person has to believe that you want them to come when you really don’t.

So, now that you know what an unvitation is, you can understand what I was trying to do. I love my family. I really do, but (and there’s always a but), I don’t want to be bothered by them all the time, especially during the holidays because some of them are soooo cheap. I, and one of my brother-in-laws, provide all the big ticket items like the Honeybaked Ham and the Honeybaked turkey. The only thing that I ask my family to do is bring a side dish to feed at least twenty. Yet, they balk about that. So this year, I said enough already. I want to hold it at my house, but without the hassle.

This is what I did. I mentioned it on 4th of July that I wasn’t sure that I was going to hold it at my house. Then, a couple of weeks later, I said that I would. My plan was to create uncertainty about whether or not I was going to do it. However, should that plan not work, then I would resort to the unvitations.

When a couple of people called me and asked about it in the past week, it was obvious that misdirection and confusion were not working, so I knew what I had to do. I called sister #1, Nikki, and asked her if she was going to bring the homemade Mac n’ Cheese which she is known for. At which point she started stammering and saying that she didn’t know. This is when I started going into the unvitational unvite.

“You know what?” I said. “It’s my fault. I didn’t really give you enough notice. If you can’t make it, then you just can’t. Don’t worry about it”.

To which she replied, “Oh no.” I’m not going to let you down”.

“No, no, no,” I replied.

Basically I tried to talk her out of coming, but it didn’t work.

Fast forward to sister #2, Aletha, who said that she couldn’t make it. Okay, girl. If you can’t make it, then you just can’t make it. Phillise will really miss Jaunae, but we’ll see her another time. To which she replied, “We’ll come by and say hi”.

At this point, my husband is just looking at me like how pitiful. You are not good at this. Whenever you want them to come, you can barely get them to come; whereas, whenever you don’t want them to come, they want to. Why don’t you try to be a reverse psychology motivational speaker?

“Shut up,” I said, but had to think about it. Maybe he does have a point. I’m going to open up a practice right away!

My first client will be Jerry Seinfeld. He’ll understand me. We’ll talk about other Seinfeldian terms. I’ll have him cured in one session!

Frazzled Me!

I know that this was a long time ago, but does anyone remember Sinbad’s stand-up routine where he talks about how he was so bad. He said that his mother got even with him by having a little sister. He said that she told on everything that he did.

Well, it’s the same way with my little girl!

This story goes back, waaaay back. A long time ago, when my older sons were little, whenever I would question them about what was going on, they would never ‘fess up. I could never find out what really happened. Well, I fixed them. I got even with them, but good. I had a little girl too.

They don’t get away with anything now. Whatever I want to know, or even if I don’t want to know, she tells me. ALL the time! It helps me because I know what’s going on now, but that’s also why I’m so frazzled! She is such a tattle tale. She tells on EVERYTHING! ALL THE TIME!

I don’t want to stop her from telling for obvious reasons, but it’s wearing me down.

Help! Does anyone out there have any advice on how to stop a tattletale, without stopping them from telling everything?

Happy 200th post! Yesterday was my 4 month anniversary! Yay me! Do you think I write too much? So what! Yeah, I’m talkative. Here’s to 200+ more!

Yay Us!

Well, today is the first day of school. Today, all of my children will be at school after being at home with me alllllllll summer. Thank goodness because my food budget couldn’t take it anymore. The question is what am I going to do with myself? I don’t have a job yet. I thought that I would by now, but I don’t. So, I am just going to chill and do some reading. I think I’ll go to the library and talk to the librarian. Here’s to all the people who are kid free today after being tortured blessed with our children all day, everyday, during the summer. Yay us!

How’s That For A Nice Dose Of Irony?

I entered this poetry contest @ I decided that nothing but the best would do, so I submitted what I considered my best poem. I put so much work into it. It was about words. I built it up from a phoneme to telling how they cut like knives. Well, what do you think happened? Yep, they rejected it. They then told me that I had a limited amount of time to submit another one if I wanted to be considered for the grand prize. Well, I made up one on the spot. It took me all of five minutes.

Guess what happened with that?

It got submitted for the semi-finals. How’s that for a nice dose of irony? Here’s the poem in question:

Miss me, kiss me, love me

Hey, I’m just me.

Just lil’ ole’ me.

I’d like to be you,

sitting down as if right on cue.

Being rude to folk. It’s a joke;

a private one,

won off the backs of others,

that’s only understood by some,

But that I can’t do.

It’s ridiculous to think,

red, green, blue or pink,

would fit me.

That’s not she, this one known as me.

Just to get things straight, I don’t hate

the one known as you, the one who,

would sell her soul

for just a lump of coal.

Just like a naughty child,

let wild.

Stop yourself. Dismiss yourself.

Miss me,

kiss me,

love me.

Just don’t try to change this one.

‘Cause if you do, you miss half the fun.

© clb

It’s not my best work, yet the publishers chose this for the finals. Go figure!

Roxaboxen by Alice McLerran

I know that this picture is big, but bear with me. It had to be large to show the detail. Just look at the book and use your imagination. Are those sticks or are they horses used to gallop around as they fight to slay the mighty dragon? Those are some of the questions that you might have asked yourself if you were a resident of Roxaboxen.

Roxaboxen was a magical land made up of sticks, stones, glass & discarded boxes that were magically transformed by its inhabitants who had something that money couldn’t buy- imagination. This book is a tribute to imagination.


Continue reading

Don’t Become A Verb! (Conjunction, Junction, What’s Your Function?)

My husband is a very caring, compassionate and sympathetic listener. As a result, many people come to him with their problems. The problem is when those who he have lent a shoulder to to cry on don’t return the favor. At his old job there was this guy, Amir, who always had a sob story, even though he lived in a mansion in Chatsworth. One time, the guy even had the nerve to complain about the maid not cleaning his room the way he wanted her too. Serious- no joke.

Anyway, he was always crying on my husband’s shoulder about some imagined ill or wrong done to him. Amir loved talking to my husband because he could always depend on him.

The time came when my husband needed a shoulder to cry on so he went to the one who always cried on his-Amir. Continue reading

Attention: Job Opening

Attention all women, there’s a job waiting for you. It will be the hardest job you’ve ever loved; but you will love it. Here’s the job description:


Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma

crayons1.jpg house-kids_drawing.jpg crayons1.jpg


Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often

chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and

organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will

include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some

overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on

rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel

expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.


The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,

until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also,

must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from

zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from

the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face

stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously

sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain

calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must

have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages

and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an

embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of

a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must

always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final,

complete accountability for the

quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor

maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.


Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years,

without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so

that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you


None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually

exhausting basis.


Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon

payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college

will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them

whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that

you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.


While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement,

no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies

limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you

play your cards right.

This is an old one but I had to put it up anyway. I love it. Enjoy!!!

People Watching!

This is a term that my husband introduced me to. I used to do it with my sisters, but we didn’t put a name to it. Sometimes we would be so tired from shopping that we would just sit somewhere in the mall or wherever we happened to be and just watch people go by.

Just in case you didn’t know, people watching is just as the name implies. Okay, it’s basically spying. You sit around and just watch people. For however long you want to.

The best time to go is when it’s really crowded, like Black Friday (the Friday after Thanksgiving) and during the rest of the Christmas shopping rush.

Well, my husband and I have our monthly dates. We usually do dinner, but this time we did a lunch date. We went to Universal City Walk. It’s a veritable smorgasbord of people. There are so many people. We like to look for the “How’d that happen?” type couples. Some couples you just wouldn’t expect to know each other, let alone be together. We’ve seen a lot over the years during our people watching time. Sometimes the opportunity just presents itself. Other times, you’ve got to make it work. At any rate, it’s fun.

You should try it some time!

Confessions Of A Crazed Post-A-Holic

For all my fellow post-a-holics out there, there is help. I went to my very first Post-A-Holics meeting yesterday. Here is an actual transcript of my recent visit.

Me: Hi! My name is Leila and I am a crazed post-a-holic.

Group: Hi, Leila!

Me: Today is my 76th post in a month and a half. Sometimes I post two to three times a day. I…I (sniffle, sniffle) have to stop myself from posting & posting. I wake up in the middle of the night to post. One day, I posted five times, but I deleted it so my husband wouldn’t find out. I want to post more, but I somehow manage to dig deep down and stop myself.

Group leader: It’s okay. You’re among friends. Let it out!

Me: Even though I stop myself sometimes, I don’t know how long I can control it (sniffle, sniffle. Nose blow).

Group leader: If you continue to come, we can help. Tell me more.

Me: I’m such a moocher now. I can’t believe how low I’ll sink to get an idea for a post. Everything is a potential post; it’s all fair game. I hear anecdotes and want to post about them. My kids don’t trust me with stories anymore. They think it’s going to end up on my blog. Seriously, I would never tell that story that Dakota told me about

Still me: Commenting… OMG it’s the worst. Whenever I read someone else’s blog, I have an irresistible urge to think of the best, most thought provoking comment ever. I think that maybe, just maybe that will lead them back to my blog and I’ll have an opportunity to comment on the comment that they leave on my blog and that will lead to more comments; maybe even another post.

Group leader: It’s okay. Let it out. Confession is good for the soul.

Me: I know that you’re here to help me. I think I’ve hit rock bottom. (Sniffle, sniffle) Can someone help me? Please!!!!!

Group: (Group hug.) You’re among fellow post-a-holics. It’s okay. You’ll be okay.

** Out of the corner of my eye, I see one of the sneaky group members sneaking to her laptop to write a post. Dammit! She beat me to it!

Before I go, I have this story that I want to post about how….

Can Post-A-Holics Anonymous really help me?


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