Violating My Own Rhythm!

Dear Readers,

I just discovered this meme that perfectly sums up how I feel when I violate my own rhythm. That is to say, that when I do, say, or align with something that my soul doesn’t feel right about, or something that makes me feel “off” and inauthentic.

I am a very, very, very complex person. I need so much down time that I feel that I need another job. I say this because I feel like I cannot cope unless I have much down time. I barely feel like I functioned properly last year because of my caseload of 44/52 students in my school. I made a deal with the other Resource Teacher to do most of the IEPs & compliance issues while I did most of the teaching. That is something I will never do again.

The above reasons are why I need another job. Ever since I’ve been working, I’ve been in search of the perfect job. What I’ve discovered is that the perfect job does NOT exist for me – YET! I need to create it.

This is a partial description of the job that would be perfect for me. It needs to:

• allow me to work from home when necessary,
• only work 3-4 days/week,
• pay approximately the same salary that I’m making now or more,
• not be a step down, not a lateral move, but an upward move,
• allow for flexible hours,

I can’t think of anything else right now, but will text more as I think of it! Bye for now!

The ME I’ve Always Wanted to Be!

Dear Readers,

One of my favorite lines from the movie, Jersey Girl, is when Liv Tyler’s character says that she always wanted to be an uptown girl; that she always wanted people to look at her and think that she’s an important person with her nice clothes on, and her good job, etc. Well, just like her, I always wanted the same thing. I wanted to be a Ladera Girl (It’s a well to do Black area in L.A.). I wanted to be the person that some little girl looked up to because of my nice clothes, important jobs, & because I was simply gorgeous.

While I may not be the “Ladera Girl”, I am the ME I always wanted to be; I just didn’t know it. I had to stop and think about it  for a minute. That’s when I thought about ME- my habits, my triumphs, my goals, my strengths, & my weaknesses. I thought of ALL that I am, and I was pretty pleased with myself and all that I’ve accomplished.

During all of my many hardships and accomplishments, I’ve become a person that I am quite proud of. Looking back on my life and seeing how I’ve developed, words cannot adequately express how proud I am of myself.

During one of the hardest times in my life- my greatest time of stress- I managed to graduate with a B.A. & a Master’s degree, become a better person, overcome many personal obstacles that had kept me down for so long, and discover many good things about myself that I didn’t know.

Even though I’ve learned to take the good with the bad, looking back on my life makes me, sometimes, wish that I would have had an easier life. However, I know that if I would have, I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. And I have to say that I really like the ME I’ve become. I’m the ME that I’ve always wanted to be. I just didn’t know it while I was busy wishing to be the “Ladera Girl”!

So, piggybacking off of the above, here are some positive and negative traits I’ve discovered about myself that I’m perfectly happy about:

My Negative Traits

1. Moody
2. I did not give my all to two of my students this year.
3. When I’ve had too much interaction with people, I get overwhelmed.
4. I sometimes shut down when I get overwhelmed.

My Positive Traits

1. I’m a very hard worker with an excellent work ethic.
2. I do NOT give up. I’m not a quitter. At times I’ve wanted to give up, but something in me would not let me.
3. I give my all. If someone is not getting my all, then something is wrong. I ask myself why this person is not getting my all. Why did I back off of this person?
4. Piggybacking off of #3, I love my family and give my all to them.
5. I love taking care of my family.
6. I’m a good mother, sister, aunt, and daughter.
7. I’m a great cook. I love cooking.

That’s it for now. If I can think of anything else, I’ll write more. Bye for now!