My Voice!

Dear Readers,

Isn’t it funny how certain events in our life seem to correlate with one another. I’m talking about my voice, literally and figuratively. For the longest time I’ve felt as if my voice hasn’t been heard; in my personal life, at work, at church, etc. Well, once my church got it’s new pastor, I decided to go to work. I joined the Praise team (choir), started going to Bible study, and teaching the little children at Bible study.

Even though the problem was there beforehand, I only noticed and began piecing things together during choir rehearsal. Since I am soprano, I naturally sing high. However, if I am forced to sing low, my voice virtually disappears. It seems really tiny. But my voice didn’t just seem like that in choir rehearsal. It was like that in almost every aspect of my life. At work, in my relationships, etc.

I actually had a disturbing dream the other day where I was running from an attacker and couldn’t call for help. I was opening my mouth but nothing would come out. I was so puzzled because I knew that I should have been able to voice my concerns, but strangely unable to. Once I woke up and calmed down, I knew perfectly well what my subconscious was trying to tell me.

I vowed to myself to get myself heard. I’ll say that it’s worked because now that I’ve been singing in the choir for a couple of months my voice is stronger. I noticed that my voice is not only stronger in choir, but at work and my everyday life.

Since I prize my voice so highly, no one is happier than I am with the new developments. I will continue to speak up for myself and let my voice be heard. Thank you for listening!

Bye for now!

Troubled, Not Dangerous???

Dear Readers,

I’ve been meaning to write everyday, but have been so beat when I get home. All I want to do is sleep because my students are so exhausting. I am excited to be writing again even though it’s not as often as I’d like. Today, I’d like to write about my students, who my director says are troubled, but not dangerous. Well, I beg differ. Two of them have brought knives in the last month. One student had 6 fights in one day. While two of my other students jumped another student in class. Initially I was shielding the student that got jumped but had to move out of the way to call for help because they were going to get to him whether I was there or not.

Well, as I wrote in my earlier post, it’s no longer my problem as I am moving to Elementary where the students are much calmer. Also, I will have two assistants that come to work on a daily basis that have the students under control. I’ll let you know how things work out. Bye for now!

Good, But Bad at the Same Time! or (Bad, But Good at the Same Time!)

Dear Readers,

One of my students left today. It’s a good thing that he’s going to a better place where he can get the help that he needs. But (and this is a big but), now that he’s left, that means a new student. A new student at this school is not a good thing anyway. What’s even worse is a new student this late in the year. If a student is coming this late it means that, more than likely, the school /school district has been trying to get this kid out for awhile; for good reason.

However, there’s good news. The good news is that it’s not my problem because I am moving to Elementary school on Monday since one of the teachers is leaving on Friday.

I’m hoping to ride it out ’til the end of the year. l’ll let you know how things go. Bye for now!


A Very Well Deserved Day Off!

Dear Readers,

Since I took the day off from work on Friday, I had a four day weekend. I am so refreshed. I stayed in bed most of the weekend. After two days, I’d had enough of that. So this morning I called up my favorite cousin and went to breakfast at our favorite spot with her. It was so good. Although I can’t say that I’m really ready to return to work, I will say that I’m more ready than I was Thursday night before I decided to take the day off.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Here’s hoping. I’ll keep you posted. Bye for now!

3 1/2 Months & Counting!

Dear Readers,

I’ve discovered that some staff members are scared to come into my class. Are you serious? I’m one of the smallest staff members and am left alone on a nearly daily basis. I really didn’t realize how strong I really am. I am able to be alone with 12 emotionally disturbed teenagers and have a modicum of control.

I’ve had a few staff members tell me they are impressed with how I was able to come in, long after school started, make changes, implement systems and consistency, and build relationships with my students. I wish I could see what they see because I feel like a failure. I’ve been trying to hold it together, but I’ve been looking for jobs. The only thing is that I don’t think I’ll leave because I’d just end up in the same situation where I am going into a less than ideal situation. So, I am going to try and stick it out until June. It’s only 31/2 months from now. Here’s hoping I make it!

No, You Can’t Come In!

One of my students, who I’ll call CB Jones, is verbally abusive to me. Not only that, he threatened to stab one of the male staff members. If he threatened that particular staff member, I know he wouldn’t have a problem threatening me or even following through. So, since I am alone much of the time, I stopped him at the door and told him that he could not come in unless another staff member was present. He feigned ignorance.

“Why can’t I come in?,” he asked.

I told him that the question had been asked and answered and that I was done speaking with him. He then kicked the door and spit on the window. I’m not talking about a little bit of spit; I mean he “hocked a loogie!” It was really disgusting. I called in-house security, they carted him away and released him during the next period.

“Great,” I thought, “there was basically no consequence.”

It was at this point that I begin to wonder how I got myself into this position of being in this sucky job where I am in fear of my life on a daily basis. I began to feel sorry for myself. Right then and there I vowed to never be in a position where I feel powerless like this again. Usually I have a Plan B, Plan C, etc. However, I’m not sure what I’m going to do. One of my first steps is to get some pepper spray so I can defend myself.

I’ll keep you informed. Bye for now!