I am up, at what my brother-in-law calls butt-crack hours of the morning, because I can’t sleep. I am thinking about my post from last week about learning how to ask for what I want. Well, there’s a second part to that.
Since I am on vacation and consequently have so much time on my hands, I have been doing a lot of thinking. This is piggybacking off the first part of this post from a couple of days ago when I talked about how I need to learn how to ask for things. I was trying to pinpoint the source of all this. Of course I had to go back to my childhood. Since I have so many brothers and sisters (11), there was almost never enough money. So I learned not to ask for things. I also realized that, in addition to that, I learned not to want things either.I realized that I am afraid to want anything because I don’t want to deal with the disappointment of not getting it.
I thought that when I got older that things would be different. They are in a way, but not too much. I go through great ups and downs- both financially and emotionally.
Money passes through my hands in great amounts. Whenever I need money badly enough, I will get what I need plus some. However, it comes in spurts so I’ll probably be behind by the time I get it. So, needless to say, it’s gone almost before I get it. That is my dilemna now. I need to get off of this financial and emotional rollercoaster. It is having such a negative impact on me.
I know that life shouldn’t and doesn’t have to be like this. I want and need better than this. I am so extremely frustrated. I need some help with getting my financial house in order. I know that I can do better than this. I have to. I want to want things and know that because I go to work and work hard for money that I can get it.
I have never understood people who went to work everyday and didn’t have anything. Sadly, now, I have become that person and it is not fun. I don’t like it. I am making this vow to myself, right here and now, that this will be the last year that I will suffer through financial instability. I will do what I need to do this year so that I and my family won’t suffer like this anymore.
I don’t believe in making New Year’s resolutions. Making resolutions at the beginning of the year and not following through is not what I believe in. I believe in evaluating needs as they present themselves. Right now, I see that my financial situation needs tending to in a major way.
I’ll be reporting on my successes as well as my failures this year. I hope to learn from my failures and profit from my successes.
Join me on my journey, won’t you!
Until next time!