(Happy 500th post!)Cutting off your nose…

HAPPY 500th post to me! I was trying to reach it before my 1-year anniversary, May 11, but I had so much to do I just did not make it then. But I’ve made it now.

When I was younger, I would cut off my nose to spite my face. It was so silly. When I think back on it, I wonder how I could have ever been like that. Needless to say, I don’t do that anymore. What I do do is try to smooth things over. I always try being nice first. Once nice doesn’t work, I resort to my old ways. (Not good, I know.) However, that doesn’t happen until much much later.

I have learned that I need this nose, as well as other parts (my brain). When I was younger I always believed in giving someone a piece of my mind until I saw an e-mail or some article beggin the question: If you are always giving someone a piece of your mind, how much do you have left.

The author wrote the article/e-mail/whatever it was, in such descriptive terms that I actually imagined giving away little pieces of my mind. With the sassy attitude, hands on hips person that I was, I did not stop to consider that I was giving away my own sanity. No one was taking it away. I was giving it away.

Just a little something to think about for the next time you’re giving someone a piece of your mind! How ’bout that?

See ya’ next time! Hasta la bye-bye!

The funniest thing!

The funniest thing has been happening all day. I have been bombarded with a constant stream of children in and out of my classroom all day long. The word got out that I’d given a couple of students some treats (chips, stickers, etc.) for helping, and now everyone wants to help; they’re suddenly so helpful.

It reminded me of that episode from “I Love Lucy” that I wrote about last year (click here). Although it wasn’t really quite the same thing, it almost was.

I wasn’t offended. They’re kids. It’s expected. If I were a kid I’d probably try the same thing. I don’t blame them one bit.

A new approach to it all

I have good classroom management skills (i.e., I have control over the kids). I am always complimented on them. I have a problem though. My problem is obviously not that. What my problem is is how I got control. I got control over my formerly unruly classroom with coercion, punishment, and a raised voice either.

At the time I thought that it would be a temporary thing; that I would eventually be able to speak at a normal level and not use coercion, and/or punishment. No! No! not so. The only thing that has really changed is that it is not chaotic all the time. However, I still have to raise my voice, use coercion, and or threat of punishment.

That is such a big problem for me. The fact that I have to raise my voice bothers me. I don’t like using coercion, and/or threat of punishment. I am looking for a new approach to it all. I want to quietly discipline. I want to save my voice. Does anyone have any suggestions or programs that can help me do this?

Help!!!

They told me so!

My husband and my mother-in-law told gave me really great advice, but of course I didn’t listen. I stubbornly held on to my old, outdated way of doing things.

“What was it?,” you ask.

Well, they advised me to seek out the help of my Principal in regard to my lesson plans. They told me to ask for her input on my lesson plans. This will open up lines of communication for you two.

“Do it and watch what happens,” they said.

Did I? Of course I didn’t. I regret it, because I went through so much unnecessary turmoil thinking that she hated me.

We had a great heart to heart the other day where she presented herself to me as a real person. I see her in a different light now. I don’t feel like she’s my enemy anymore. It feels so good to not have that feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I hate to tell my husband and his mother that they were right. My husband’s pulling up in the driveway right now. I tell him later. I’m not telling his mother that she was right though. Why would I invite that kind of I told you so? Who needs a mother-in-law “I told you so”. That would be stupid!!!

Finally…

One of my students, Mannie, had a problem getting the concept and recognizing the symbols for addition and subtraction. I tried and tried to get the concept across to him without success. I even cried on a couple of occasions.

Well, yesterday, he finally got it. Since the approach I was using wasn’t working, I decided that I had to try a different one. So this is what I did: I explained to him what a symbol was. I told him that it was a thing that stands for something else. I then made the connection to the concepts of addition and subtraction. I told him that whenever he sees that particular symbol (- & +), that he would know what to do.I showed him the symbol over and over, asking questions and making sure that he really understood. I then went over and over what the symbol was. I then showed him different ways to write the problem.

3 + 4 = 7 and

3
+ 4
____
7

“Is this the same problem?” I asked.
Why?

I told him that as long as the same numbers are used in addition, it doesn’t matter which way we write it. I also told him that when adding, the numbers get bigger; and while subtracting, the numbers get smaller.

Finally, I wrote the problem 3 + 3 on the board. I asked for 3 volunteers. The next question I posed to him and the rest of the group was:

Is this problem going to get bigger or smaller?

Mannie said bigger, so I called up three more people, then we counted. Of course, we came up with 6. I asked Mannie if 6 was bigger than 3. Blah, blah, blah… Long story short (too late), he and the rest of the group got it.

It wasn’t half bad…

As it turns out, administering the CST’s wasn’t half bad. It was a bit complicated, but not bad.

What was so complicated about it you ask?

Well, as you know if you’ve been reading this blog, I have four grade levels in my classroom: 2nd- 5th grade, 7 years old through 12 years old. What that means when it comes to administering the test is that up to four people will be in my classroom administering the test. Even though I have two assistants, they are only allowed to proctor the test, not administer it. So, two subs had to be hired to administer the other grade levels.

I administered the CAPA (more about that later), while Mr. I administered the test for 3rd and 5th grade, while Mr. O administered the test for 4th grade. There would have been a separate administrator for 2nd grade, but one of my 2nd graders took the CAPA, while another was taken to another class to have the test administered in Spanish (I think???).

Yeah! Confusing. I know. Imagine the pandemonium in my class before things settled down.

Imagine if I had to try to administer all grade levels!!!
Thank goodness I didn’t have to.

So it begins…

Today marks the first day of testing. I feel like I just did not do enough. I have always hated the thought of teaching to the test, but it looks like that is the way to go. I feel like I did my students a disservice by being their teacher. Maybe someone else would have been better for them. Maybe they would have been able to teach more stuff because they know more stuff.

I don’t know. What I do know though is that my students are really not prepared. I did what I could, but in this case, it just wasn’t enough.

At least next year, I will know better.

Kinda’ creepy! How odd is that?

Talk about creepy!!! My husband just told me this a couple of hours ago. It happened to my oldest son yesterday when he was at work.

This older man, who my son didn’t know, who seemed kinda’ senile, came up to my son and expressed his condolences on the loss of his mother.

Of course my son told him that his mother hadn’t died.

The old man then expressed his condolences on the loss of his grandmother. To which my son replied again that his grandmother was not dead. Little did he know that those condolonces would be needed the very next morning for his great-grandmother.

How odd is that? Who was this man and how did he know that my son’s great-grandmother was going to die?

A sad occasion!

This is a sad occasion indeed. My husband’s grandmother, who I also consider(ed) my grandmother suddenly passed away @ 8:49 a.m. this morning. She passed out and never revived. Her heart just stopped beating. I am so sad that I will never see her again, but I am happy that she had such a peaceful passing.

I will miss her so much. Even though she was 91 years old, I expected her to live for at least 5 more years because in my husband’s family, they have long life. There’s nothing I or anyone can do about it. It was simply her time to go.

Good-bye Mama Josie. I love you. You will be missed!

I feel so alive!

I taught Saturday school again yesterday, and I feel so alive! It is such a refreshing change of pace. I still had the children who need resource services, but I had a nice time. I had only six students. I had so much time to spend with each child. One thing that I was particularly happy about was teaching three of the students how to solve multiplication problems. I gave them a pre-test and the results were dismal. Some of them were only able to complete 2 or 3 of the 20 problems.

I showed them how to solve them using an array. For example, if the problem is 2 x 2, they would draw two boxes with two dots or whatever they wanted to draw in each. I also showed them briefly about math fact families. I explained to them that if they know 5 x 2, then they know 2 x 5. I had them come up to the white board and work it out. I gave each student a problem. Since there were only six students, they all got the concept.

This made me so happy because the CST’s start on Tuesday. This is such a simple skill to teach and learn, but it makes such a big difference. This could possibly make the difference in the number of problems they get right on the CST’s.

Happy to help! I really want to continue to teach Saturday school. It is such a good thing. It makes me feel so alive; like I’m actually making a difference.

So, until next time! Hasta la bye-bye!

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!

I just wanted to say Happy Mother’s Day to everyone mother out there. Have yourselves a great day!

Happy 1st year Anniversary! (My acceptance speech)

I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. I can’t believe I won. I don’t have anything prepared (I say as I whip out an acceptance speech). Okay, snap back to reality. Snap back to my 1year anniversary of blogging.

Happy Anniversary to me. It’s been a year. I am so glad that I started this blog. It has been such a fantastic outlet for me to vent my frustrations, and to share my success as well as my failures. I can see how I’ve grown over this past year. When I read back on my posts, I can’t believe that some of that stuff happened.

In the immortal words of Will Ferrell’s character Ricky Bobby from “Talladega Nights“, Can you believe that happened to you?

The answer is no I cannot. Some of the things that I’ve conquered and suffered through over this past year have been traumatic, eye-opening, humbling, jarring, you-name-it. I am so happy that I have a record of what I’ve been going through. I wish that I’d known about this thing called a blog sooner.

So, what am I going to do for this anniversary of mine? I think I’ll do what I do best- write about it like I’m doing now. I would also like to send some shout-outs to some people. Like to hear about it, here it goes:

First and foremost, I would like to thank my husband, Phillip, who, along with The Fashionista encouraged me to do what I loved doing- writing and talking. I would also like to thank all the people who have been loyal readers, as well as the those who have been fair weather readers. I want to thank those of you who stopped reading when I stopped having the passion that I had in the beginning. Thank you for opening my eyes. Last but not least, I would like to thank you for reading this right now.

Here’s to many more years of writing/running my big mouth, venting, expressing my feelings, connecting readers to useful information, and just rambling. Cheers!

Until next time people! Hasta la bye-bye!

Guess how smart I am…

Guess how smart I am???

(I am laughing so hard as I type this!)

I am so smart that I thought it was Saturday. Let me begin my story by saying that I came home from work and took a nap. Okay, that being said, now I shouldn’t sound so crazy as I tell this story.

My little boy and girl came in my room and woke me up to talk to me. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 7:00. Since I was still in a sleepy haze, I thought that it was 7:00 a.m. and that I was running late.

“David, get dressed”, I said.

Mom, it’s Friday. We don’t have to go anywhere.

“Okay”, I said sarcastically. If you want it to be Friday, you let it be Friday, but for me it’s Saturday!

He and Phillise tried in vain to convince me that it was still Friday, but I just wouldn’t hear it. As they left the room, I began to wonder if I’d slept for twelve straight hours. Had I?

No, I hadn’t. I’d only slept for about three hours.

Yeah, that’s how smart I am!!!

More students?

In the past week, I got two new students. In the next two weeks I will be getting two more. All boys!!!!
Did I really need any more students? Especially at the end of the school year?

One of my newest one is so angry that he is being transferred to Special ed. He was probably one of the ones that made fun of special ed kids because he was afraid that everyone would notice that he was only one step away from being in here.

I am trying to be patient with him but it is so difficult because everyone is looking at what he’s doing. If he gets away with it, then they will try it also. I have to nip this problem in the bud as gently as possible. I know that he’s feeling inadequate, angry, and betrayed because no one told him that he was staying in here, but he still needs to follow directions.

Breathe….

Breathe… This is what my friend Susan told me as I was driving to school. I was telling her how I was so stressed out because I didn’t even have time to complete my take home final. I was so mad at myself. Well, there were so many other things I was mad at as well.
First and foremost, I was made at the hand I was being dealt by life. To tell you the truth, I was having my own private little party- a pity party.
“Why does my life have to be so hard?” I asked myself. I thought that things were getting better and turning around when I got a job, only to have the job become a constant source of stress.
I wanted to concentrate my energy on being a student instead of having to teach full-time and attend school at the end of a hard day when I am so drained that I’m really not paying attention anyway. Instead, I have to work because I have four little people depending on me. I cannot afford, quite literally and figuratively, to drop the ball. So, I just won’t.
I will survive and thrive though, because failure is simply not an option!

Saturday school

I taught Satuday today. The Assistant Principal came to me and asked me if I wanted to sub today. Initially I said no, then I thought about it. I had been wanting to teach on Saturday to get more experience and I love Mrs. M. to boot. So I figured that this was my chance. I quickly changed my no to a yes.

Although I did not want to get out of bed, I did. I had a great time. Since I’ve only been with general ed. one year of my seven years of experience. I liked it. It was a refreshing change of pace. However, I loive my special ed class. I won’t be leaving anytime soon.

A renewed sense of purpose!

Eleven years ago when I was a tutor for the Crenshaw Chapter of the World Literacy Crusade, I went through a six-month long training where we were given many strategies on our quest to combat illiteracy.
One of the key concepts that I was taught and will always remember and use is this: If you get to the end of a paragraph and don’t know what you just read, there were only one or two words (or concepts) that you didn’t understand. To make sure that an understanding is reached, you have to go back and clear those words by defining them. After you’ve defined them, you then go back and re-read the paragraph. Voila! This reminds me of my current situation. I know that there are only one or two things that I am not getting. However, once I get ‘em, I know there will be no stopping me.
It’s funny when your brain is so cluttered and your mind is so bogged down with all the minutiae of every day life that you can’t think straight. For weeks, I have been in a funk, nay, a rut. I knew that I was in one, but I didn’t know how to get out of it. That is such a horrible feeling. I knew that I could do better but didn’t have the slightest idea how to.
I’m trying not to be too hard on myself, but I know that somehow I could have done a better job. I could have gone to one more website; read the OCR book for one more clue. It just seems like there’s something else I could have done, but I guess I have to ask myself, “How could I have known?”
I wanted to do better but I just didn’t know how. I thought that if I could conquer that that I could be the teacher that I know I can be.
Well, I am on track to do just that. I just had a meeting with the Principal that was quite productive.
Well, after the meeting, I now know what some of the pieces are. I haven’t been teaching it in a systematic way. My students have made so much progress. Just think if I had been teaching systematically how much progress they could have made.
I am on a mission again. I have a renewed sense of purpose. It turns out the only thing standing in my way was me.

I have to succeed because as always failure is not an option!

What I like about me:

These are things that I like about myself that I consider strong assets.
I like my ability to:
Bounce back
Make something from nothing
Take something bad and turn it around

My bounce-back-ability: I’m referring to my life. After having my first child @ 19 and my second one three days before my 21st birthday, I have still been able to continue my education and am now working on my Master’s degree in Special Education.

There have been many times in my life where I have just thought that I would not make it through. I just wanted to give up and die. However, since I had two little people depending on my, I did what I had to do and pulled myself up by my bootstrap.

Making something from nothing: When Phillise was born, I was on a tight budget. I mean tight. However, I knew that I had to make it work. The biggest concern was food for a husband, myself, three sons, and buy necessities for a new baby. I solved the baby food problem by breastfeeding. However, that still left four other people to feed. It helped that my children were in school, so I only needed to worry about a small snack when they returned from school and dinner. I managed to make it work for $40-$50/week. How ’bout that?

Taking something bad and turning it around: I was under a particularly controlling supervisor who thought that it was her job to break me. I knew that it was my job not to let her. That’s how I am. Just because I know that someone or something is trying to break me, I won’t let it. I managed to take that situation and turn it around.
How: She decided that she was going to fuss at me one day in front of everyone. I told her to hold on (actually I shouted), that we would talk privately later. We talked, I told her that she was too controlling and that I came back from my breaks on time, I was good with the kids, etc. I asked her what her problem was with me. She told me that she thought that I was being defiant.
“Defiant?” I said.
J, you’re not my mother. Blah, blah, blah.
By the end of the year, we were actually on pretty good terms. Nobody thought it would happen. Thank God it did.

That’s three of the reasons I like me.

What’s the problem?

As I was to another teacher in the teacher’s workroom, I mentioned that I was overwhelmed. She also related a story of when she was overwhelmed when she first started. She said that she’d only recently come across some information from about 7-8 years ago from a Staff meeting. It was all new to her because she didn’t ever remember seeing that information.

She said that she wasn’t ready to process that information at that point in time because she was so overwhelmed. I can definitely attest to this. Since beginning teaching and my combined Master’s/credential program, I have not been able to process information like I used to, I cannot hold information like I used to either. So this made me begin to think about the various disabilities of my students. Is the same thing happening with them? Are they dealing with so much information they simply shut down and stop processing the information?

This opens up a whole new door for me. Just like when I spoke with another teacher and she mentioned that one of my students was defeated. This is something that I need to investigate. I think that I could actually make some headway with my students faster if I know what the answer(s) to these questions are.

Until next time people!

Guess how smart I am?

Guess how smart I am? I am. I locked my keys in the classroom today. I’m pretty proud of myself. This is good for me. This is only the second time. I thought that it would have been more than that.

Until next time people!

Looking back…

Looking back, it’s funny how things go. Not like ha! ha! funny, not like ironic funny either, just funny! I’m talking about me- how I’ve changed. Since my 1-year anniversary is fast approaching, I’ve been reading back on my post from a year ago and I can see the change in myself. Even my writing has changed. Thank God it’s for the better.

While reading back on my writings, I see how I was working things out as I wrote. Just like I did yesterday and today. That’s what I love about writing. It lets me express myself, instead of keeping it bottled up. Not only that, I have been documenting and recording certain events in my life.

As I said a long time ago, I love this thing called a blog!

I’m on a roll…

Ever since that b.s. yesterday with the principal, I have been in a very reflective mood. It made me put my money where my mouth is. I know that there are areas that I need to tighten up in. That b.s. yesterday was just the push I needed.

Now, I am on a roll. I went home yesterday and did a lot of research about how to get these children writing.

Another resource that I have access to, that I love is Socratic Learning. It’s an online tutor for teachers. You can type in any question and get an answer. It can be anything from what strategies to use to help with letter recognition to submitting a paper to see how many run-ons and/or fragments a paper has.

Later, I will share a little technique they shared with me to aid in letter recognition.

So, until next time!

In a better place today…

Today I am in such a better place. After the informal observation with the principal yesterday, I was p.o.’d. However, once I calmed down, I realized that it was a good thing. I did not bring my A-game like I usually do. I have been making all kinds of excuses and coming up with reasons why I have not been able to do my best. But, once you get down to it, that’s all they were were excuses.

I made a vow to myself that I would not be a slacker anymore. I fell off the wagon very quickly, but I am going to get right back up. I am in a better place today. Halleleujah and thank you Jesus.

Still in high school?

I really feel like I am still in high school. Nothing has changed from that time. You still have to be part of the in crowd. You still have to kiss ass.
When I was younger, I thought, “I can’t wait to grow up. I won’t have to deal with all of the b.s. of young-minded people”.
Oh, how wrong I was. Things are no better. In fact, it’s even worse now because the people acting out are alleged adults.

Although the nitpicky little b.s. that the principal wrote down didn’t bother me like it would have had I been less secure with myself, it pissed me off. She made it sound like I was on the phone during instructional time when I am on the phone when I am signing in, and/or going to the teacher’s copy room to make copies. She wrote down that I spend too much time on the phone. This is laughable because I have leftover minutes all the time.

Things like this quite literally makes me want to slap the perpetrator. I really mean that. I am not happy with my current placement. I wish that I could go back and not take the job. Even though I have learned so much, this job has been a constant source of stress. I know that things definitely would have been better if I would have had support. Any support at all. I would have loved to have had any type of training.
But, oh well. I guess you can’t have everything. Something would be nice, but no sense in wishing. I need to make things happen for myself.

A J.D. moment…

If you watch Scrubs, then you know what I’m talking about. J.D., a character on the show always has these moments where he spaces out. It’s usually at an inappropriate time. Something like earlier… like when I was talking to the principal after my informal observation. I totally had a J.D moment. I spaced out when she started firing off a bunch of questions that she didn’t particularly want answered. I totally spaced out.

Since she talked through my break I started eating my snack. Secondly, I looked at my toes and thought how much they needed to be repolished. Next, I considered returning Traci’s call. While she was talking. Because I forgot she was talking.

She told me that I needed to take things seriously. I told her that it was just one of those days where nothing went right. She didn’t believe me; but it was. Right now, I couldn’t buy something going right for me.

Anyway, she picked on everything. She told me that I couldn’t talk on the phone while signing in (sometimes @ 7:00 a.m. when there are no students there), when I’m walking to the copy room, or in my room (even when the kids aren’t there). Mind you, I’m not using any instructional time. She just wants control. That’s it. Control. It reminds me of George Orwell’s 1984 where they wanted power. They didn’t want money or luxury or sex; just power.

That’s my rant for the day. Probably for the next couple of months. So bye for now.

**Just remember, nothing too good or too bad lasts for too long.**